We all know how it is when the neighbor you just LOVE moves out, the FOR SALE sign goes up, and you spy out of your window to see who is coming to look at the house next to you. WHO are the new neighbors going to be that you will live so intimately close to? Got great neighbors? Give them a big hug & kiss and hope they NEVER go away….read on…..
Mad Maxie X is on a Mission
Take this scenario:
Josie X moves into a quiet, suburban neighborhood, buys a 2 bedroom/1 bath house. Once she has the key, her two grown children move in with her, including 3 small to medium children, one girl friend with a small child, AND Josie’s boyfriend who just HAPPENS to sell shitty auction cars for a living. Yep, they ALL live there.
Maxie X, the neighbor to one side, wakes up one morning to find 8 shit heaps parked on the front lawn, as well as 2 additional shit heaps jacked up in front of her property on the street. “I hope you don’t mind the used cars!” chuckles Josie X’s lover to Maxie X.
“Oh my Goddess!” gasps Maxie X. “They are my punishment for anything bad I have done in my life!”
So Josie X’s lover actually thinks he is going to sell these shit heaps by parking them on the lawn. First all the neighbors gawk in disbelief…then they call the “Big Guns”. Day after day, the tow trucks come rolling in and pick up cars: “Cause’ you’re not allowed to sell cars from your lawn, homey…”. The “Big Gun Man” actually tries to reason with Josie X’s brain fried lover, and Josie X claims to her neighbors: “ I just don’t know what to do, honey! Can you believe, today I came home and found a car motor on my coffee table? That is not going to work.” What a woman! So the motor, and several other car parts, as well as the trash from 6 + people just goes out in front of the house, next to the shit heaps. Then all the kids start yelping in Maxie X’s yard, since they can’t play on top of the shit heaps.
Well, guess what? This is just the beginning of a saga.
The dog, that barks all night because he is chained in the backyard, has utilized every “poop” spot, so he is tied to the tree in front of the house. The leash is just long enough to reach into Maxie X’s yard, and guess what? It is clean, so the dog would much rather poop there…until Maxie X starts throwing the little presents back over. Just as she is about to collect dog poop in a bucket to deliver personally to Josie X’s front door, Maxie’s husband steps in. “Honey, I had no idea!” Josie X claims. Mr. Maxie X has uttered a warning, the leash is shortened.
Josie X’s daughter and son, both adults with several children of their own, consider the shit heaps their offices and overflow rooms. Constantly hanging, talking on the phone, all hours of the night. Cars just rock their world….and everyone else’s in the vicinity of one mile. Maxie X can hear them coming about 5 minutes before they turn the corner, the speakers are worth more than all the shit heaps put together.
Over months, all the shit heaps are towed, and finally the two jacked up specimens are gone too!! Hurrah! And with it vanishes the brain fried lover, or did the “Big Gun Man” pick him up too?? For selling cars, or cursing out and “fake” sicking his Pit bull on the neighbors??
Finally, Josie X’s kids grow up to and move out, with all their kids, music, loudness. Peace?? No, no, no, they all keep coming back to Momma. “Doesn’t anyone work? Give me some PEACE!” cries Maxie X, who is starting to think upholding her good manners is for the dogs.
One day, Maxie X is lying in her bed and hears the soothing sounds of gushing water. Since Josie X has not decided to install a water fountain in her back yard dog toilet, guess what it is?? Yep, you guessed right, a broken pipe. Maxie X was wondering why the brown grass between the properties was all of a sudden turning lush and green. “Honey, I am going have that fixed!” rings in Maxie X’s ear as she sloshes back from asking Josie X if she intends to open a fishing pond. After 3 weeks of the relaxing water feature and an infestation of mosquitos, Maxie X takes things into her own hands, and the water is stopped. Bad, bad, Maxie X…calling the “Big Guns”….
One day, Maxie X’s husband, WHO MUST BE OUT OF HIS FRIGGIN’ MIND, sells Josie X’s son his old car for a few dollars. No, no, no, says Maxie X. It’s a man’s ego, but Maxie X insists on a signed contract. Several weeks later a ticket comes because the X son never registered the car. It has been towed, and is in storage. X son says “ I am going to straighten this out”. Did we mention that Mr. Maxie X is OUT OF HIS FRIGGIN’ MIND to trust this loser to do ANYTHING?? Four weeks later a new bill arrives, from a bill collector. So Mr. Maxie X is screwed out of a car and gets to pay for his favorite neighbors’ extracurricular activities. He looses his good manners, but guess what? In order to keep his good name, he must pay the bill and then get his money back from X son. Yeah, right. And another guess what? Even though there are courts to settle these “little” disputes, they most likely will rule in X son’s favor because he is such a loser with out a job, and there is no where to get any money!
Maxie X has had enough.
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