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Monthly Archives: April 2008

Touch my wine and DIE!


My kids know how important my glass of w(h)ine is at the end of MY day. At Trader Joe’s, they march to the Two Buck Chuck shelf and grab a few bottles without me even asking as I am waiting to check out. My son always announces why he is getting the wine he walks back to me, you know, just in case the other patrons don’t realize is mother is a w(h)ino? “Here mama, one for today, one for tomorrow, and a bottle for daddy.”

🙂

Here is a short version of my day, without the extras (such as green food coloring experiments):

1. Get up, throw on sweats and a hat to hide bed-head, strap up the dog, and walk for an hour.
2. Come home, make coffee, first round of waking Mr. Heike and kids.
3. Second round of waking. Get first cup of coffee and read email in peace.
4. GET UP!!! IT IS LATE!!!
5. Set the breakfast table, get more coffee, run in the bathroom and get ready before everyone really gets up. Use last chence to do MY hair before we hit the street.
6. GET UP DAMn IT!!
7. You have 15 minutes to get dressed and eat before I leave!!
8. Last resort, let the dog in from outside. HE wakes up the family with big paws and doggy butt licks. 🙂
9. One more cup of coffee, idle conversation with sleepy family. Run down of responsibilities and happenings with Mr. Heike, since we only see each other for short spurts until Sunday.
10. Drive forever, go rollerskating. Kids skate 2 hours while I catch up (bitch) with friends :), hawking my water and health bars I smuggled in from “outside”.
11. Race back to our side of town for swim lessons.
12. Go home, eat lunch, do schoolwork, play with dog, more schoolwork, schedule more lessons….
12. Prepare mystery cassarole I found in an old cookbook at the library, keep kids and dog from eating my mystery ingredients! Make dog slop because he has not been eating well since virgin grooming experience. I wonder if the hairlessness is making him LOOK skinny or I traumatized him for life??
13. GET DRESSED!!!
14. Take kids to Capoeira. Thank goddess for coffee.
15. Go home, eat dinner, start folding 10 billion tons of laundry.
16. Keep bag to the side and throw in whatever I don’t want to fold.
17. Clean out closet as I go, since I don’t have any friggin’ room to put my folded clothes.
18. Discover a whole bin of clothes in the closet, basically a second set to the clothes Heike Jr. has. You know, the one who has nothing to wear?? Sweet pea has inherited my genes.
19. This is why I should NEVER be allowed a credit card: ebay. List the clothes with TAGS on them that we found in the bag, and add some to it, because we have enough for another family.
20. Label the 5 bags of Laundry, er…clothes to donate.
21. OMG!!! Empty laundry baskets!!! Congratulaltions, Heike, have a glass of wine!
22. Vacuum up 3 tons of dog hair. Seems like he is shedding twice as much since we had him groomed…grrr…My piece of shit vacuum will be replaced immediately. List on Freecycle, with dog hair.
23. Do dishes, since we DO NOT HAVE A DISHWASHER!! What did I have children for???
24. Let dog out.
25. Pour w(h)ine.
11.15 PM….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
26. Pour more w(h)ine.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
27. Call mom. W(h)ine, w(h)ine, w(h)ine.

Throw away bottle, go to bed.

I am going to save SO MUCH money!


When we, as a family, decided to ride The Compact wave (see a Compact Blog here) and buy nothing new for one year, we did it to boycott consumerism. The side effect is that we began saving lots of money 🙂 and I was curing my shopoholicism. A few exceptions of course, like: shoes, underwear, materials for my pendants, etc.

It was quite easy for us from the start, as I am the thrift store queen. Now I have a legitimate reason to go treasure hunting! I joined a local Freecycle group, and the give and take was ON!

Now we have decided to buy nothing Made in China. Well, I decided, and my family is so cool, they are doing it with me. I just believe if each of us decides to keep the “money in the family”, we can make a difference. Time to close the circle. If there are no jobs here, people are not making money, so they can’t buy anything. Change that to: grow and manufacture here again (minus all the poisons), give people jobs, they make money, and now they can buy these great Made in USA products & services. Just my little opinion…..

Anywhoooooooo..

Now there is a challenge. Really, I always knew most of the things we have are made in China, but now that I am consciously checking EVERYTHING…wow.

Tonight I went to my favorite, “get everything in one place” store that starts with a T…and I might as well have boarded a plane to Bejing to buy washing powder. Other than washing powder, I was going to buy a bra.

Sister, I need your help. Yes, women, if you can find me a decent bra Made in USA, I will be in your debt. Preferably one that does not cost $75, and that I can try on, because I have not been able to wear “any” bra since I turned 21….underwear would be great too. I swear I checked every damn bra at the big T, and not one was made here.

Just think what we could do for the economy if we all only bought bras and underwear made in the U.S???

I am going to save SO MUCH money!


When we, as a family, decided to ride The Compact wave (see a Compact Blog here) and buy nothing new for one year, we did it to boycott consumerism. The side effect is that we began saving lots of money 🙂 and I was curing my shopoholicism. A few exceptions of course, like: shoes, underwear, materials for my pendants, etc.

It was quite easy for us from the start, as I am the thrift store queen. Now I have a legitimate reason to go treasure hunting! I joined a local Freecycle group, and the give and take was ON!

Now we have decided to buy nothing Made in China. Well, I decided, and my family is so cool, they are doing it with me. I just believe if each of us decides to keep the “money in the family”, we can make a difference. Time to close the circle. If there are no jobs here, people are not making money, so they can’t buy anything. Change that to: grow and manufacture here again (minus all the poisons), give people jobs, they make money, and now they can buy these great Made in USA products & services. Just my little opinion…..

Anywhoooooooo..

Now there is a challenge. Really, I always knew most of the things we have are made in China, but now that I am consciously checking EVERYTHING…wow.

Tonight I went to my favorite, “get everything in one place” store that starts with a T…and I might as well have boarded a plane to Bejing to buy washing powder. Other than washing powder, I was going to buy a bra.

Sister, I need your help. Yes, women, if you can find me a decent bra Made in USA, I will be in your debt. Preferably one that does not cost $75, and that I can try on, because I have not been able to wear “any” bra since I turned 21….underwear would be great too. I swear I checked every damn bra at the big T, and not one was made here.

Just think what we could do for the economy if we all only bought bras and underwear made in the U.S???

Bonjour, Stupid!

How is it that I am raising two children the same way, yet they are so completely different? Is the girl/boy thing??

My Little Lenny, who is 6, has a talent for hearing, and remembering EVERYTHING. But he does not let you know (candidate for a government job??) this, and it will come back to haunt you when you least expect it. I, of course, know this because we are together 24/7, but the rest of the family has not mastered this game yet. So when they blurt out something stupid, or something that should really stay in the family, in front of Little Lenny, I am rolling my eyes.

“Hey, little ears LISTENING!!”

Not only listening, but retaining, mulling around, and storing, to be spit out again at the most inopertune moment in life. And they almost always seem to include me. I am, of course, the mother raising this heathen child with the charm of an Italian Gigolo and the mouth of sailor. I admit, I am the one who taught him “dumbass”, but the rest is out of my hands.

Visualize this scene: Sweet Little Lenny gets asked for the millionth time, “So, do you speak German too??”

A sweet smile spreads over his face. “Sure”.
“Really, can you say something??”

“Bonjour, Stupid!”

Thank you, Judy Blume and SuperFudge, for the French lesson on the audiobook last night. And a snort in my coffee.

(P.S. Yes, I do KNOW that “Bonjour” is not German, so does Little Lenny, but he thinks no one else does :)….)

I received this awesome award from my friend DJKirby. I want to be her, she is such a talented writer, check out her novels.

I am passing it on to my friends WarriorWitch, Creatress Designs, and Hotfessional, because they make me cry…laughing.

Bonjour, Stupid!

How is it that I am raising two children the same way, yet they are so completely different? Is the girl/boy thing??

My Little Lenny, who is 6, has a talent for hearing, and remembering EVERYTHING. But he does not let you know (candidate for a government job??) this, and it will come back to haunt you when you least expect it. I, of course, know this because we are together 24/7, but the rest of the family has not mastered this game yet. So when they blurt out something stupid, or something that should really stay in the family, in front of Little Lenny, I am rolling my eyes.

“Hey, little ears LISTENING!!”

Not only listening, but retaining, mulling around, and storing, to be spit out again at the most inopertune moment in life. And they almost always seem to include me. I am, of course, the mother raising this heathen child with the charm of an Italian Gigolo and the mouth of sailor. I admit, I am the one who taught him “dumbass”, but the rest is out of my hands.

Visualize this scene: Sweet Little Lenny gets asked for the millionth time, “So, do you speak German too??”

A sweet smile spreads over his face. “Sure”.
“Really, can you say something??”

“Bonjour, Stupid!”

Thank you, Judy Blume and SuperFudge, for the French lesson on the audiobook last night. And a snort in my coffee.

(P.S. Yes, I do KNOW that “Bonjour” is not German, so does Little Lenny, but he thinks no one else does :)….)

I received this awesome award from my friend DJKirby. I want to be her, she is such a talented writer, check out her novels.

I am passing it on to my friends WarriorWitch, Creatress Designs, and Hotfessional, because they make me cry…laughing.

I want my Earth Day back!

Every year, the kids and I look forward to Earth Day at Sac State. This year, they changed the location, and obviously Mr. Preppie took over the organization :(.

To make a long story short, they wanted to cater to mainstream America more, not to “hippies” like me (see the stupid article in the Sac Bee). What a drag.

To Event People: Really, instead of catering to the people who don’t give a shit anyways and are only there because you happen to have the event on a Sunday by one of the coolest parks in the city, and give out free frisbees, you would cater to US, the people who do give a shit; the ones who support and enrich Earth Day, it would make you look much smarter. Especially since we carry all the bone heads who don’t give a shit about the Earth…and never will, even if you explain it to them. I always think about the article I read once about the man who turning his property into a self-sustaining farm, and at the same time teaching his who family how to shoot. This way, when there is no food in the grocery store and they try to loot his property, he can protect himself…Mad Max? Or reality?

Anyways, we did have some highlights on this dreary day. My kids performed Capoeira, and were super cool. That picture up there is Mr. Heike and I with Kevin Johnson, “Quote Little Lenny: the famous baskeball player!”, who is running for Mayor of Sacramento very successfully and just happened to be mingling :). Plus, I met some friends I have not seen in ages..

Little Lenny in an electric car. They are fun, but not meant for a family. Two seats and a trunk…I am in the reflection, kind of eerie, and totally unintended!

Little Lenny, playing Capoeira!

Heike Jr. She is so serious, having so much fun, and GOOD! (Proud Mama)

Bad boys, Bad boys, watcha’ gonna do??? Watcha’ gonna do when they come for you?? Little Lenny in heaven…

I am uploading some videos I took. You have to see this to enjoy it even more, with the drums and energy in the background! It will make your butt move! But, due the private nature and other kids in the video, you need to email me if you want to see the video…and I will only let you if I know you!

I want my Earth Day back!

Every year, the kids and I look forward to Earth Day at Sac State. This year, they changed the location, and obviously Mr. Preppie took over the organization :(.

To make a long story short, they wanted to cater to mainstream America more, not to “hippies” like me (see the stupid article in the Sac Bee). What a drag.

To Event People: Really, instead of catering to the people who don’t give a shit anyways and are only there because you happen to have the event on a Sunday by one of the coolest parks in the city, and give out free frisbees, you would cater to US, the people who do give a shit; the ones who support and enrich Earth Day, it would make you look much smarter. Especially since we carry all the bone heads who don’t give a shit about the Earth…and never will, even if you explain it to them. I always think about the article I read once about the man who turning his property into a self-sustaining farm, and at the same time teaching his who family how to shoot. This way, when there is no food in the grocery store and they try to loot his property, he can protect himself…Mad Max? Or reality?

Anyways, we did have some highlights on this dreary day. My kids performed Capoeira, and were super cool. That picture up there is Mr. Heike and I with Kevin Johnson, “Quote Little Lenny: the famous baskeball player!”, who is running for Mayor of Sacramento very successfully and just happened to be mingling :). Plus, I met some friends I have not seen in ages..

Little Lenny in an electric car. They are fun, but not meant for a family. Two seats and a trunk…I am in the reflection, kind of eerie, and totally unintended!

Little Lenny, playing Capoeira!

Heike Jr. She is so serious, having so much fun, and GOOD! (Proud Mama)

Bad boys, Bad boys, watcha’ gonna do??? Watcha’ gonna do when they come for you?? Little Lenny in heaven…

I am uploading some videos I took. You have to see this to enjoy it even more, with the drums and energy in the background! It will make your butt move! But, due the private nature and other kids in the video, you need to email me if you want to see the video…and I will only let you if I know you!

I want to be thankful, but….

My new mantra is to be thankful for what I have.

When I am ready to strangle a child, or dog, or when I have told a customer service rep to kiss my ass, or when I am trying get my book publisher to send me some books where the damn text is not CROOKED, when I get a letter stating the garbage company is raising their rates again ( I am going to just quit them and burn my garbage on my front lawn), I will sit back and take 10 deep breaths and re-center.

That was the plan, I have given it two days, and am officially going back to my old ways.

I swear my neighbors think I am a screaming, demonic bitch.

So the breathing therapy was a dud, but I did sit outside today with my glass of wine and watch Little Lenny mowing the lawn with our brand new push mower from Freecycle (which I say I wanted for our environment, but I am finding is the perfect way to expell energy from a 6yr old boy!), and think to myself how thankful I am to have my kids, and that we still have our puny little house. Two houses across from me are for short sale, they can’t pay their mortgage. What shit. The stingy German in me is the only thing that kept us from borrowing $$’s against our house a few years ago and buying stuff. So my old kitchen and kaka bathroom are mine for more many years to come….

So what if they are cutting our pay and raising every friggin’ bill, so what if groceries are getting more and more expensive, so what if everyone is nickel and diming me to death?

Life is good. Thank you!