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Monthly Archives: May 2009

Do I dare live an authentic life?? Who will cry?

After a delicious and unhealthy, rich, decadent Italian birthday dinner, I had my Cappuccino. Now I am awake.

Yesterdays’ events, a conversation with a friend, and my birthday have brought up some deep inner dialog. Tomorrow (the day after my 21st birthday) is also the 19th anniversary of my car accident, the one that crushed my spine and put my life in a spin.

I deleted myself from a social network today because the amount of spam, crap, unauthentic friend requests, and bickering were going beyond the power of my delete button. Another step to “cleansing” the sacred space of my existance.

You see, I have found that people who drain my energy, who make my spirit sag, who are just damn annoying, come in abundance. They creep into my life as friends, lovers, business partners, etc. They change my true path by influencing my instinct. Once they have arrived, I feel obliged to be nice, keep my manners, make them feel like they are part of my life. Well, I used to anyways. A few years ago this changed, and I think the cleansing is almost complete. Nowadays I do not feel guilty anymore, my self preserving Bitch will just show you “The Hand”, and delete you. I no longer care if I hurt your feelings, because I know your line to me is not authentic.

I am not sure what brought this inner discussion on, but I am asking myself if I dare go “Full Monty”, and live the authentic life I crave. Will those in my wake be sad? Why do I care, since I just stated that I don’t feel guilty anymore? Because those that will be in my wake now are my last spirit deflating lines, and I love them the most.

Sometimes people enter your life abruptly, again to alter your path, but in a good way. Today, the woman who hit my car yesterday called me. She is very sweet, and says she thinks we “met” for a reason. 🙂 I think she is right, as my first reaction to “meeting” her is realizing that that 5 minute drive to pick up my husband COULD have been my last. And that I really SHOULD keep the mandatory registration and insurance papers on me. I think it goes deeper than that, read on….

I believe each of us born into this world for a specific reason or role. I believe in past lives, and think we follow the same core “path” in every life. So, if we deviate away from this authentic calling, how can we be truly blissful?

I understand that following these random thoughts may be confusing, and to avoid further rambling: I think the events from yesterday had a reason, and one of them may be the Universe giving me a nudge. I felt heat in my car in the afternoon, even though the air conditioner was going full blast, then this bizarre fender bender, and everything that came with it. All of this may be a mild version of the nudge that I got when I had my accident 19 years ago. It was life altering, and sent me on my true path.

P.S. No wine tonight! 🙂 I guarantee that all above thoughts were written without the influence of alcoholeeeeeeeeeeeee….

Do I dare live an authentic life?? Who will cry?

After a delicious and unhealthy, rich, decadent Italian birthday dinner, I had my Cappuccino. Now I am awake.

Yesterdays’ events, a conversation with a friend, and my birthday have brought up some deep inner dialog. Tomorrow (the day after my 21st birthday) is also the 19th anniversary of my car accident, the one that crushed my spine and put my life in a spin.

I deleted myself from a social network today because the amount of spam, crap, unauthentic friend requests, and bickering were going beyond the power of my delete button. Another step to “cleansing” the sacred space of my existance.

You see, I have found that people who drain my energy, who make my spirit sag, who are just damn annoying, come in abundance. They creep into my life as friends, lovers, business partners, etc. They change my true path by influencing my instinct. Once they have arrived, I feel obliged to be nice, keep my manners, make them feel like they are part of my life. Well, I used to anyways. A few years ago this changed, and I think the cleansing is almost complete. Nowadays I do not feel guilty anymore, my self preserving Bitch will just show you “The Hand”, and delete you. I no longer care if I hurt your feelings, because I know your line to me is not authentic.

I am not sure what brought this inner discussion on, but I am asking myself if I dare go “Full Monty”, and live the authentic life I crave. Will those in my wake be sad? Why do I care, since I just stated that I don’t feel guilty anymore? Because those that will be in my wake now are my last spirit deflating lines, and I love them the most.

Sometimes people enter your life abruptly, again to alter your path, but in a good way. Today, the woman who hit my car yesterday called me. She is very sweet, and says she thinks we “met” for a reason. 🙂 I think she is right, as my first reaction to “meeting” her is realizing that that 5 minute drive to pick up my husband COULD have been my last. And that I really SHOULD keep the mandatory registration and insurance papers on me. I think it goes deeper than that, read on….

I believe each of us born into this world for a specific reason or role. I believe in past lives, and think we follow the same core “path” in every life. So, if we deviate away from this authentic calling, how can we be truly blissful?

I understand that following these random thoughts may be confusing, and to avoid further rambling: I think the events from yesterday had a reason, and one of them may be the Universe giving me a nudge. I felt heat in my car in the afternoon, even though the air conditioner was going full blast, then this bizarre fender bender, and everything that came with it. All of this may be a mild version of the nudge that I got when I had my accident 19 years ago. It was life altering, and sent me on my true path.

P.S. No wine tonight! 🙂 I guarantee that all above thoughts were written without the influence of alcoholeeeeeeeeeeeee….

How do we end this eventful day??? With new hair and wine.

Today was a weird day. I went to my second acupuncture appointment, and that was just downright amazing. Then a healthy lunch at Taco Bell, as our next appointment was right after I picked up my kids at art class. A few hours at the park that drained my energy, then home. 15 minutes to prepare dinner before I whisk over to pick up my Hubby from work. It is only 5 minutes from here…..

then..

WHAM!

I am driving over the one big intersection, and the car to the right of me decides to make a turn. Right into the front end of my truck.

WTF??? I only have an hour before I have to get my HAIR CUT!!

Yes, that is what I am thinking…since my truck is made of steel and her little car is made of fiberglass. Though I think it whacked it out of line a bit, will have that checked tomorrow. No one was hurt, thank goodness, because not one of the assholes who drove around us and honked stopped to check.

Long story short, we called CHP, exchanged info, all humans are well.

I went to my friend, and she gave me a hair cut. And since she is a pro, she delicately informed me that the “light” color I dyed my hair to sucks…and it does not make me look younger. I love her. Tomorrow I will be 40, and I now I don’t look a wink over my usual age of 25, LOL…..(just ignore the wrinkles and look at the spirit…).

And my baby lost another tooth….

Good night….

How do we end this eventful day??? With new hair and wine.

Today was a weird day. I went to my second acupuncture appointment, and that was just downright amazing. Then a healthy lunch at Taco Bell, as our next appointment was right after I picked up my kids at art class. A few hours at the park that drained my energy, then home. 15 minutes to prepare dinner before I whisk over to pick up my Hubby from work. It is only 5 minutes from here…..

then..

WHAM!

I am driving over the one big intersection, and the car to the right of me decides to make a turn. Right into the front end of my truck.

WTF??? I only have an hour before I have to get my HAIR CUT!!

Yes, that is what I am thinking…since my truck is made of steel and her little car is made of fiberglass. Though I think it whacked it out of line a bit, will have that checked tomorrow. No one was hurt, thank goodness, because not one of the assholes who drove around us and honked stopped to check.

Long story short, we called CHP, exchanged info, all humans are well.

I went to my friend, and she gave me a hair cut. And since she is a pro, she delicately informed me that the “light” color I dyed my hair to sucks…and it does not make me look younger. I love her. Tomorrow I will be 40, and I now I don’t look a wink over my usual age of 25, LOL…..(just ignore the wrinkles and look at the spirit…).

And my baby lost another tooth….

Good night….

Berries, Berries Everywhere!

I think I am going to overdose on strawberries.

One of the things that makes up for this Hell’s Kitchen Heat in California for me is the berries. Mmmmmm….Right now the market strawberries are becoming sweet & luscious. So we bought a full flat on Saturday, leaving us with barely a half flat today. I hurried and made my first batch of jam.

Taken from “Putting It Up With Honey”, I want to share this with you. I made Blackberry Jam this way in August, and we just sadly ate the last delicious jar.

6 cups strawberries
2 cups of honey
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 package pectin

Cut & mash berries. Add pectin and bring to a boil. Add honey and lemon juice. Bring to a boil for 5 minutes. Skim froth. Spoon into hot glasses and close. Process in boiling water bath for 15 minutes. Take out and let settle, listen for the POP, POP, POP!

It is that simple.

Thanks to my friend Ayla, I also made a yummy dessert last night. I substituted cantelope for the peaches. Cut up cantelope (or peaches), and strawberries. Put in a mason jar, cover with milk and put in a few sprigs of lavender. Let soak in fridge for a few hours, then indulge! I may try vanilla soy milk next time…..

What I am reading: Still “Dragonfly in Amber” 🙂

What I am grateful for: That someone asked me for my ID when I bought beer today :).

What I am manifesting: SALES!!

Berries, Berries Everywhere!

I think I am going to overdose on strawberries.

One of the things that makes up for this Hell’s Kitchen Heat in California for me is the berries. Mmmmmm….Right now the market strawberries are becoming sweet & luscious. So we bought a full flat on Saturday, leaving us with barely a half flat today. I hurried and made my first batch of jam.

Taken from “Putting It Up With Honey”, I want to share this with you. I made Blackberry Jam this way in August, and we just sadly ate the last delicious jar.

6 cups strawberries
2 cups of honey
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 package pectin

Cut & mash berries. Add pectin and bring to a boil. Add honey and lemon juice. Bring to a boil for 5 minutes. Skim froth. Spoon into hot glasses and close. Process in boiling water bath for 15 minutes. Take out and let settle, listen for the POP, POP, POP!

It is that simple.

Thanks to my friend Ayla, I also made a yummy dessert last night. I substituted cantelope for the peaches. Cut up cantelope (or peaches), and strawberries. Put in a mason jar, cover with milk and put in a few sprigs of lavender. Let soak in fridge for a few hours, then indulge! I may try vanilla soy milk next time…..

What I am reading: Still “Dragonfly in Amber” 🙂

What I am grateful for: That someone asked me for my ID when I bought beer today :).

What I am manifesting: SALES!!

Love the man with the needles…..

Today, for the first time in my life, I was stuck with acupuncture needles.

I don’t know why this freaked me out so much before. Maybe when I see people with needles sticking out of their face?

I only had needles in my left hand, and it temporarily made the 9 scale (I was asked to rate the pain from 1-10) pain in my right foot disappear. When he put that second needle in my hand and twisted it around until I said “YES, that is the point when it hurts”, the pain was gone. I waited for a moment, thinking it might be the shock of having someone digging around my hand with a needle, but no, it was gone. I had 8 needles in my hand, and could feel the sensation both in my arm, and in my foot.

It was pretty amazing.

Now, the pain is back, but hopefully with a consistant treatment it will go and stay away. If not, I may have to run off with an acupuncturist……

🙂

What I am reading: Still Dragonfly in Amber, by D. Gabaldon. “Home Altars”, by Denise Linn, and I am still listening to “Change your thoughts, Change your Life”, by Dr. Dyer.

What I am grateful for: Alternative medicine that helps sensitive little bodies like mine.

What I am manifesting: SALES!

Love the man with the needles…..

Today, for the first time in my life, I was stuck with acupuncture needles.

I don’t know why this freaked me out so much before. Maybe when I see people with needles sticking out of their face?

I only had needles in my left hand, and it temporarily made the 9 scale (I was asked to rate the pain from 1-10) pain in my right foot disappear. When he put that second needle in my hand and twisted it around until I said “YES, that is the point when it hurts”, the pain was gone. I waited for a moment, thinking it might be the shock of having someone digging around my hand with a needle, but no, it was gone. I had 8 needles in my hand, and could feel the sensation both in my arm, and in my foot.

It was pretty amazing.

Now, the pain is back, but hopefully with a consistant treatment it will go and stay away. If not, I may have to run off with an acupuncturist……

🙂

What I am reading: Still Dragonfly in Amber, by D. Gabaldon. “Home Altars”, by Denise Linn, and I am still listening to “Change your thoughts, Change your Life”, by Dr. Dyer.

What I am grateful for: Alternative medicine that helps sensitive little bodies like mine.

What I am manifesting: SALES!