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Monthly Archives: June 2013

Afternoon Musings & Snacks

Fresh picked “snacks” from the garden :).

My kids are at camp this week, and my husband could not get off work, so I am ALL BY MYSELF during the day! Just me, the dog, and the chickens :). It is like I have taken off to a retreat. It is amazing how your everyday environment can change its’ energy!

Don’t get me wrong, I miss them all for a few minutes, then I get back in to my serene state of peace. I am enjoying every minute.

I had a long list of things I was going to do this week, and so far I have checked off: 0.

And that is ok.

I have decided to enjoy this time, and do only what I want. This morning, I took my dog to the river, and we went for a swim. Now I am enjoying the back yard, everything is luscious after 3 days of rain, and even though it is already 90 degrees, there is a magnificent breeze. My chicks and the chickens have found a warm spot in the sun and are dozing, and I just hauled myself up from the hammock :).

These days have given me the brain space to work up a plan for my impending new business, and also to ponder on the things I want to continue, or not. If I could give every woman a prescription for a few days, or even hours, alone…I would. I realize now why I cannot focus, on a daily basis there are a thousand things tugging at me at once.

I made a list of things I want to do this summer (this differs completely from my above list of have-tos):

1. Refresh my Italian. I already started an online course. It is free through our library. It is called Mango. Great way to learn conversation in another language, also a great way to manifest that villa/orchard I am moving to in Italy.

2. Knit socks. I finally found a pattern I can follow, and already have finished one sock, ending up with EXACTLY the amount of stiches that the pattern shows. I am amazing, and will finally have to socks that match. Now I am knitting up all that cool wool I found at thrift stores, and we will all have happy feet. I just LOVE wool socks! Want to make some yourself? Find a picture tutorial here!!

3. If you are one of my vegetarian or vegan friends, don’t watch or read this.
I just bought a pig, Sweetie, at the County Fair. The girl who raised it is a friend of my kids. By buying from her, I support her and her 4H project, and I know that I am getting a healthy, well raised, happy pig. I met Sweetie and cuddled her. Today I watched an amazing video on harvesting. Actually, 4 videos. I grew up eating every part of an animal, so this hits close to home. Now I want to raise a pig myself and harvest it. With love. I need that ranch.  If you like pork, find a farmer where you can visit, support and buy from them, and be happy that you are have magnificent food. Watch the videos on pork butchery here.

4. I am seriously going to clean out my closet and sell all those fabulous clothes I no longer wear, lots of vintage…and buy myself some brand new, red, totally outrageous cowboy boots.

5. I am going to loose 10lbs by bouncing myself silly on my fabulous Rebounder! OMG…this so much fun. I actually bought it to retrain my muscle in my leg, but dagnabit!! It is a hoot! And guess what? According to some experts, this is the key to detoxifying, since you are activating the lymphs while jumping. Who knew???

6. After much YouTube watching, I am going to plant artichokes in my front yard, even if I have to water them.

That’s all for now. More may come, I have two more spa days.

Much love,
Heike

Afternoon Musings & Snacks

Fresh picked “snacks” from the garden :).

My kids are at camp this week, and my husband could not get off work, so I am ALL BY MYSELF during the day! Just me, the dog, and the chickens :). It is like I have taken off to a retreat. It is amazing how your everyday environment can change its’ energy!

Don’t get me wrong, I miss them all for a few minutes, then I get back in to my serene state of peace. I am enjoying every minute.

I had a long list of things I was going to do this week, and so far I have checked off: 0.

And that is ok.

I have decided to enjoy this time, and do only what I want. This morning, I took my dog to the river, and we went for a swim. Now I am enjoying the back yard, everything is luscious after 3 days of rain, and even though it is already 90 degrees, there is a magnificent breeze. My chicks and the chickens have found a warm spot in the sun and are dozing, and I just hauled myself up from the hammock :).

These days have given me the brain space to work up a plan for my impending new business, and also to ponder on the things I want to continue, or not. If I could give every woman a prescription for a few days, or even hours, alone…I would. I realize now why I cannot focus, on a daily basis there are a thousand things tugging at me at once.

I made a list of things I want to do this summer (this differs completely from my above list of have-tos):

1. Refresh my Italian. I already started an online course. It is free through our library. It is called Mango. Great way to learn conversation in another language, also a great way to manifest that villa/orchard I am moving to in Italy.

2. Knit socks. I finally found a pattern I can follow, and already have finished one sock, ending up with EXACTLY the amount of stiches that the pattern shows. I am amazing, and will finally have to socks that match. Now I am knitting up all that cool wool I found at thrift stores, and we will all have happy feet. I just LOVE wool socks! Want to make some yourself? Find a picture tutorial here!!

3. If you are one of my vegetarian or vegan friends, don’t watch or read this.
I just bought a pig, Sweetie, at the County Fair. The girl who raised it is a friend of my kids. By buying from her, I support her and her 4H project, and I know that I am getting a healthy, well raised, happy pig. I met Sweetie and cuddled her. Today I watched an amazing video on harvesting. Actually, 4 videos. I grew up eating every part of an animal, so this hits close to home. Now I want to raise a pig myself and harvest it. With love. I need that ranch.  If you like pork, find a farmer where you can visit, support and buy from them, and be happy that you are have magnificent food. Watch the videos on pork butchery here.

4. I am seriously going to clean out my closet and sell all those fabulous clothes I no longer wear, lots of vintage…and buy myself some brand new, red, totally outrageous cowboy boots.

5. I am going to loose 10lbs by bouncing myself silly on my fabulous Rebounder! OMG…this so much fun. I actually bought it to retrain my muscle in my leg, but dagnabit!! It is a hoot! And guess what? According to some experts, this is the key to detoxifying, since you are activating the lymphs while jumping. Who knew???

6. After much YouTube watching, I am going to plant artichokes in my front yard, even if I have to water them.

That’s all for now. More may come, I have two more spa days.

Much love,
Heike

OFF with her hair!!!

The home made haircut is always a sign of transition in my life. I know that when that urge comes and I grab the scissors, big changes are afoot.

This past Yule, I had my son cut off about 10 inches of my hair :). It was an act of change, making way for new things to come. I knew that I was supposed to LEAP, but did not know where I was supposed to land. We made a ponytail, blessed it, and chopped it off. It was freeing, but I grieved my hair for a little while. (I actually still have the ponytail…never know when I might need it!). I walked around with the chop a few days to see if I need to cut more. When I knew I was done for the time being, my mom graciously cut off the loose ends.

Over the last 6 months, my hair grew back. It grows fast, and it was almost as if weeds were taking over the flower field. I would look at my hair, and it was as if I had someone else’s hair on my head. I know this must sound strange. I have been struggling with some decisions, and I can feel I am on the verge of some major changes, my “life weeds” are keeping me from taking the necessary leaps.

Today, I felt as if my Spirit was being strangled by my hair.

OFF WITH IT.

As I listened to the ratchet sound of the blades cutting through my hair, I could feel my Spirit lifting. First 2ish inches, Then 2 more. Then I stopped measuring and just cut.

It is amazing how much of our “self” our hair holds. I picked up the big clumps of red, fluffy hair, and happily threw them in my compost pile.

I stopped here, but am staying open to receive further direction. I keep seeing visions of “Amelie”….but I may let a pro go there :).

OFF with her hair!!!

The home made haircut is always a sign of transition in my life. I know that when that urge comes and I grab the scissors, big changes are afoot.

This past Yule, I had my son cut off about 10 inches of my hair :). It was an act of change, making way for new things to come. I knew that I was supposed to LEAP, but did not know where I was supposed to land. We made a ponytail, blessed it, and chopped it off. It was freeing, but I grieved my hair for a little while. (I actually still have the ponytail…never know when I might need it!). I walked around with the chop a few days to see if I need to cut more. When I knew I was done for the time being, my mom graciously cut off the loose ends.

Over the last 6 months, my hair grew back. It grows fast, and it was almost as if weeds were taking over the flower field. I would look at my hair, and it was as if I had someone else’s hair on my head. I know this must sound strange. I have been struggling with some decisions, and I can feel I am on the verge of some major changes, my “life weeds” are keeping me from taking the necessary leaps.

Today, I felt as if my Spirit was being strangled by my hair.

OFF WITH IT.

As I listened to the ratchet sound of the blades cutting through my hair, I could feel my Spirit lifting. First 2ish inches, Then 2 more. Then I stopped measuring and just cut.

It is amazing how much of our “self” our hair holds. I picked up the big clumps of red, fluffy hair, and happily threw them in my compost pile.

I stopped here, but am staying open to receive further direction. I keep seeing visions of “Amelie”….but I may let a pro go there :).

The scars that made me

When I was 20, I was a Diva. I worked out in a “man’s gym”, so my body was muscular & trim. I was healthy, cute, vivacious, and pretty much worked so I could party & enjoy life:). My “look” was a big part of who I was. Perfection, on the outside. It worked for me.

I was 2 days into my 21st year when I flipped my car, and changed my life. A big black dog made me swerve, no one else saw it, and my son thinks I saw the mythical black dog that you see right before you die or crash. I crashed, and just about died. I knew I was screwed the moment I opened my eyes and saw the dust of the autobahn swirling around. I was awake to hear the EMT’s, the helicopter, the frantic hospital staff…all the way until I saw my mothers’ panic stricken face and the gas knocked me out.

I woke up to a new Heike.

“Hi, old Heike. Let me introduce myself. I am the new you. This new Heike is now flat on her ass for an undetermined time, or forever. Go ahead, you can wiggle your toes, but you cannot get up. You broke your back this time, Dumbass. Now deal with that.”

I lay there forever. Pain medication brought on crazy dreams, where my dead Opa came to tell me how he feels for me, but that I royally screwed up this time. Now what am I going to do? Yes, I can sit there and cry, but I still can’t walk anywhere.

Really, my dead family members were no help, and had no compassion. I think this is the time the veil lifted for me in many ways, and I became more aware. I considered suicide, since “I” (the old Heike) could not live like “this”. The new Heike told me I was an asshole, and vain. The nurse told me I could not commit suicide, because how was I going to get out of the bed???

The new Heike began to grip me by the neck and whip me in to shape. I began to explore my body, to check out the tubes & bandages. I had no idea what my back looked like, except the taking in of breathe of whoever saw the wound. After my second operation, I stared at a long white bandage that looked like it slashed my body in two diagonally, wondering what was underneath. Wondering, but not really caring.

Yep, old Heike just about died when a pimple appeared, new Heike was looking like Frankenstein and not giving a rats ass.

The next 9 months were a journey for me, both mentally & physically. My mental capacity was put to the test. I now see that all my shortcomings were tested in this time: vanity, impatience, lack of direction, lack of compassion.

When I finally got my body cast removed (see Frida Kahlo for a model, I had the same one), I felt free. But…I was not allowed to sit up without a brace. My brace, a large plastic corset, became my best friend. My friends, or those who stayed with me through this odyssey, where my saviours.

I would go to the public pool, sit on the edge, then slowly slide into the water as a friend slide off my brace at the same time. I would wear a bikini, and my large red scars would shock people. I wore them with pride. Over 30 inches, and over 20 inches of pure mangled conquering. These scars showed that I overcame. Not only physically, but mentally….The new Heike did not care how others saw her.

My wonderful doctors often offered to remove the scars for me. They used to joke that they made them “pretty” incase I wanted to ever wear a bikini :). I will be grateful to them forever for caring, and for getting everything back in its’ place!! My scars were my portal to becoming my authentic me. I look back at this horrific accident, the long healing, the trauma….and I know now it was my path and happened for a specific reason.

My scars are part of who I am now. They are my story, and my future.

The scars that made me

When I was 20, I was a Diva. I worked out in a “man’s gym”, so my body was muscular & trim. I was healthy, cute, vivacious, and pretty much worked so I could party & enjoy life:). My “look” was a big part of who I was. Perfection, on the outside. It worked for me.

I was 2 days into my 21st year when I flipped my car, and changed my life. A big black dog made me swerve, no one else saw it, and my son thinks I saw the mythical black dog that you see right before you die or crash. I crashed, and just about died. I knew I was screwed the moment I opened my eyes and saw the dust of the autobahn swirling around. I was awake to hear the EMT’s, the helicopter, the frantic hospital staff…all the way until I saw my mothers’ panic stricken face and the gas knocked me out.

I woke up to a new Heike.

“Hi, old Heike. Let me introduce myself. I am the new you. This new Heike is now flat on her ass for an undetermined time, or forever. Go ahead, you can wiggle your toes, but you cannot get up. You broke your back this time, Dumbass. Now deal with that.”

I lay there forever. Pain medication brought on crazy dreams, where my dead Opa came to tell me how he feels for me, but that I royally screwed up this time. Now what am I going to do? Yes, I can sit there and cry, but I still can’t walk anywhere.

Really, my dead family members were no help, and had no compassion. I think this is the time the veil lifted for me in many ways, and I became more aware. I considered suicide, since “I” (the old Heike) could not live like “this”. The new Heike told me I was an asshole, and vain. The nurse told me I could not commit suicide, because how was I going to get out of the bed???

The new Heike began to grip me by the neck and whip me in to shape. I began to explore my body, to check out the tubes & bandages. I had no idea what my back looked like, except the taking in of breathe of whoever saw the wound. After my second operation, I stared at a long white bandage that looked like it slashed my body in two diagonally, wondering what was underneath. Wondering, but not really caring.

Yep, old Heike just about died when a pimple appeared, new Heike was looking like Frankenstein and not giving a rats ass.

The next 9 months were a journey for me, both mentally & physically. My mental capacity was put to the test. I now see that all my shortcomings were tested in this time: vanity, impatience, lack of direction, lack of compassion.

When I finally got my body cast removed (see Frida Kahlo for a model, I had the same one), I felt free. But…I was not allowed to sit up without a brace. My brace, a large plastic corset, became my best friend. My friends, or those who stayed with me through this odyssey, where my saviours.

I would go to the public pool, sit on the edge, then slowly slide into the water as a friend slide off my brace at the same time. I would wear a bikini, and my large red scars would shock people. I wore them with pride. Over 30 inches, and over 20 inches of pure mangled conquering. These scars showed that I overcame. Not only physically, but mentally….The new Heike did not care how others saw her.

My wonderful doctors often offered to remove the scars for me. They used to joke that they made them “pretty” incase I wanted to ever wear a bikini :). I will be grateful to them forever for caring, and for getting everything back in its’ place!! My scars were my portal to becoming my authentic me. I look back at this horrific accident, the long healing, the trauma….and I know now it was my path and happened for a specific reason.

My scars are part of who I am now. They are my story, and my future.