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authentic life

How the heat awoke my “Spirit”.

IMG_3817My family always makes fun of me when I say “The heat is taking my breathe away”. They say I am like a sensitive flower :). I think there could be worse things to be called.

But in all reality, the heat makes me stop. I can’t imagine how workers outside, or our firefighters, survive in this hell. After a week of 105 and up, it finally hit me yesterday.

My body went on strike. It scared me a little, as my heart rate went up, and I physically felt BAD. Bad enough that I cancelled all appointments, cranked up the A/C, and went to sleep. I could hear my heart beat in my ears. Unfortunately, sleep did not heal, and I woke up still feeling sick. To make a long story short, I ended up going to measure my blood pressure, and it is high. I went back to sleep, and after 6 hours of day sleep and lots of extremely weird dreams, I have come to a revelation.

I need to move somewhere cooler. The summers here are getting worse, and we are surrounded by concrete.

I think my body is giving me a warning. I have been neglecting it. I have been working nights on a project, and not sleeping in the day to replenish. Only 2-3 hours of sleep per day are just not enough.

In regards to #2, I have to learn to put “health & well-being” back on priority spot #1. I find myself, and many of my friends, just straggling from one thing to another, and not embracing the center, Spirit, first. That is detrimental.

Stress is a bitch. We may not realize it, but stress is killer, and we are exposed to it all the time. I had the weirdest, visual stress dream. Stress comes in many forms, and it can slowly eat away at you. A perfectly easy remedy: Nature. I just went outside to water my heat battered garden and mist the chickens, and just being out there barefoot made me feel better. Whatever your life situation is, take at least 15-30 minutes to take a walk, swim, or run in nature. Go by yourself, if possible. This way you can turn your thoughts to your spirit and replenish. I am making it a point to implement this again daily.

We are bombarded daily with “stuff”. Commitments, bills, schedules, internet, news, etc. I just spoke to my friend, whose parents live completely off grid. Sustaining themselves with nature, living off the land, no TV. She said they rose and went to sleep with the sun, and she did not know what day it was a few days in. Imagine that bliss! Even though this way of life may not be for everyone, it certainly is a vast contrast to what most of us living.

What does this all have to with the terrible heat? Who knows! At first I thought the heat was beating me down, but maybe it is just a catalyst.

Take a few moments and contemplate your quality of life. If there is only one thing you can change to replenish your spirit, DO IT!! (Before your heart beats into ears!).

Much love!

Deviating from the Original Plan

I am closer to 50 than ever, and I feel like I am trying to climb the mountain of destiny. You know, that feeling that there is something I should be doing right now that will let the big breakthrough emerge.

I don’t know if it is an inflated ego, or if the Universe really has the Big Bang in store for me.

I can still remember this moment like it happened yesterday: I woke up in the emergency room after my accident. I was not operated on yet, but was in the holding loop.  I had the craziest dream where I was talking to my Opa (who passed over many years before) about how I had majorly screwed up with this one, and that I was in big trouble. He did not answer me, just patted my hand. When I woke up to the stark light of the emergency room, I was crying. The nurse,  a short and feisty Romanian nurse that spoke little German (they had just hired her, one of the many foreign nurses that were filling the gap), came and told me to try to calm down, that I was going into shock. I became slightly hsyterical, tellling her that I could not feel my legs. No one had told me at this time how serious my injuries were, I had broken my back. Again, I knew something was very wrong.


This fantastic nurse creature, whose name I do not know, but whose face is in front of me as I type today, said in her halting German/English “All I can tell you is that you had better get your shit together and find your strentgh. You can get through this, I can see that. Right now, you can’t even walk yourself to the edge of a cliff.”

There you go.

I have had some major setbacks in the last year or so, and felt my path getting mucky. Health, independence, future, money….all these things seemed to get challenging at the same time. One day, I stormed out of the house, walked to the park, and sat under a tree. Quietly. Turned of my phone. I sat there and watched people, stared at the creek, leaned against the tree.

Heike, get your shit together.

I realized again that I am the creator of my own destiny. I did not get through the challenges I did to sit back now and wither. I remembered what Dr. Wayne Dyer said once: “Whenever major setbacks happen, I see them as a learning opportunity.” I also remembered how I layed in a hospital bed for 8 months patiently and not so patiently, waiting for someone to give the thumbs up to let me get up. I remembered learning to walk again, and all the wonderful things that happened since then. I remembered how grateful I am to have received the chance to live my life, even if it deviated from my original plan.

There lies the secret! “Even if it deviated from my original plan”.

You see, there are times in life when we have to step back and look at the whole picture from the outside in. If you are spiraling, it is time to stop the swirl and take a breather. Analyze all choices, and reflect on why you are making them. Are they good for you? Will they be good for you next week, next month?  ARE YOU HAPPY??? I meet so many people who are successful, who have lots of money, who have an impressive resume; but they are not HAPPY.

Happiness is primal. Make your happiness the #1 priority and go from there.



Releasing 2014 – Shit happens

In a few days, 2014 will be over. Not sure how it got here so fast, but alas, it is here.

2014 was going to be MY YEAR. The year everything got better, I realized all my dreams, lost weight, grew all the food for my family, canned all our excess, rode a unicorn, learned to fly….etc.

I had high hopes & fantastic resolutions.

I am sitting here with my 2015 Life & Biz workbook, celebrating & releasing 2014, and realize that I

did not make shit happen. Not only that, lots of shit happened.

Why am I telling you this instead of giving you an uplifting, goddess-like inspiration for the new year? Because I am honest, and I love you :)…Because life comes with unexpected shit, and how you deal with it is what makes all the difference.

So first, be real. Gosh, if you can, order this workbook (you can get it starting at $9.99…give yourself that gift) because it really gets down to the nitty gritty, or just start with a fresh piece of paper and do the express version. Write down, color, fingerpaint all the CHALLENGES from 2014 first. Now, do the same for all the SHIT THAT HAPPENED (no, not the same thing). Have a biz, think about what happened there, what needs to change, why didn’t you make money? Be honest, this is not group therapy, no one but you is going to see this.

I have been siting here since 3am, and doing this exercise made me realize:
1. I have been lazy. Honestly, had I done half of what I said I would do in 2014, I would be further along. Maybe not all lazy, but definitely gave other things priority. Thought to ponder: Why are MY things not priority?
2. As much as I love my business/art, time to decide whether it still serves ME as a business.
3. WHY have I not started on the workshops/goals I wrote down last year?
4. Time management is crucial
5. It is ok not to fill out all the blank spaces someone else created (there is a metaphor there)
6. Clutter and un-organized living suck…literally. Both suck the energy out of your soul & house. Plus, I am spending more time looking for crucial things like receipts and other things I need than I am on working my biz….Now there is another metaphor.

So, I am writing down all my rants & challenges for 2014, and kissing them good-bye. Not without scrutiny though, since you should make every challenge a learning opportunity, and only make a mistake once.

Once your art piece is done, love it, hate it….if you want, send it in the fire with love. Remember, YOU are the creator of your destiny!

Much love to you!

The end of a Challenge, and the Goddesses it created

I just posted the last of the 30 28 Day Goddess Challenge Goddesses :).

It was interesting. First of all, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking to do this in May. May is the craziest month of my life. Maybe that was part of the challenge?

My thought was to make a Goddess a day. Well, I ended up with 19. It is just not physically possible to make a Goddess a day, they are all hand made from scratch, paint has to dry, heads need to butt. Quite frankly, making Goddesses sometimes means that a pink Goddess ends up being silver with a wolf on it. They have a mind of their own. Then we had to wait for full moon :).

The idea was to see what happens when there is “pressure to perform”. In performing, I mean to make myself sit with the goddess until something happens. This was a challenge for me. I am impatient, my life is crazy, I get distracted. This meant I had to sit, and tell my kids, dog, husband, phone, computer, and mother that I was “busy” until I was done painting. It meant I had to go outside and take pictures BEFORE I chauffeured anyone or did laundry.  It meant putting my Goddesses first, my art, and the rest of my life second.


It also gave me time to remember why I started this in the first place. Why I make bold, strong Goddesses for women to wear. Because they are magic, and the stories that come back to me are uplifting, heart-breaking, and fantastic at the same time. Wearing a Goddess is a message to the world, and I am the one who brings the Goddesses to the women. It is an honor. 

The really neat thing is the I LOVE each  one of the challenge Goddesses! They are quite different. One has to stay with me, she is my “chosen one” :). It happens. We bonded.

I can’t wait to see where they go.
Much love,

Virgin, Mama, Witch, & Bitch

Dear Beautifuls!
This is an excerpt from the book that I published a few years ago, “Goddess in the Groove ~ Musings from the Goddess Within”. The words hold true today, as they did yesterday. “Bitch” & “Witch” energy is coming up strong lately, so I find it is timely to send this out to you, and the Universe.

I am sharing this with a reminder that no portions of this may be copied, reproduced, or distributed without my permission.  I do want you to share, Beautifuls. Please do! Please just share from here so my words stay true :).

Much love,

Virgin, Mama, Witch & Bitch

  When a girl baby is born, she is already born into a world of “must be”. Women’s roles start at this early stage. Girls are supposed to wear pretty dresses and do “girlie” things. Goddess forbid the little girl child is not “cute”, since little girls are supposed to look like little dolls. How many times do you hear “I wish I had a little girl! I could dress her up and do her hair, they are so fun!”? Little girls that play with boy things, or are dirty, rough, and wear pants all the time, are considered “tomboys” from toddlerhood on, they are just not “real” little girls….

  Puberty comes, and we are confronted with the term “virgin”, but not in the sense of generations past, when being a virgin was a status symbol of high honor. Society has teenage girls believing it is a disgrace to be a virgin. Their peers and their society pressure girls into sex early, thinking it is the thing to do, and the one who actually “does it” is the one who ends up a teenage mama. To the lucky girls, the “virgin” is the stage of beauty and growth. Girls grow breasts, have their first menstruation, and slowly become women. In many societies and cultures, this stage is still honored with beautiful celebrations and rites of passage. We women need to give our girls the knowledge and self-esteem that helps them develop. We have to teach them that THEY have the right to decide over their bodies and their destiny, giving them choices. The “virgin” is a stage of purity and beauty, not just a metaphoric term whether you have had sex or not.

  For most women, the next stage is “Mama”. They get married and become a wife, and the new mama to their husband, or they perform the miracle of birthing a new human child. Some women choose to skip this stage all together; though I believe we all have the “Mama” instilled in us, and play this role for someone or something in our lives. No matter how well we try to prepare, we cannot study up on this role, but grow into it. Intuition and experience turn us into masters, nurturers with the goal of protecting our kingdom. We portray this role with fierceness, and mamas are often compared to tigresses protecting their cub. The variations “Mamas” are as diverse as women themselves: some women stand by their man till death does them part, some women refer to their career or business accomplishment as ‘their baby” and others protect and live for their children.

  The “Witch” is not as the word in the dictionary, but the spiritual side of a woman. Witches, before their discrimination and elimination, were women of great intelligence and honor. Their rank in society was high and powerful. They were healers, and women whose intuition and knowledge let them perform great deeds. They were not always Beauties, but their aura of power and self-confidence made them beautiful, no matter what the outer shell portrayed. When today’s woman reaches this stage, she is ready for change and self-fulfillment. She is ready to find her inner self and true meaning in life. She turns to meditation, psychics, aromatherapy, yoga, or other forms of “natural healing” to comfort her inner spirit. In this stage, a woman stops dieting, dying, and otherwise torturing herself to fit into society’s beauty ideal, she turns her back and starts to find her beauty inside. She becomes more confident, starts making changes, and the “Bitch” comes out.

  The “Bitch” is in us from toddler stage, we just don’t know it. When we discover her in us for the first time, we suppress her due to “etiquette”. But boy, when we need her, is she ever helpful! She is our “other self” that comes out when we fell threatened, cheated, or confronted. When we are in a bad place because something in our life is just not right, our first step to changing it is to become “bitchy”. Some women get stuck on this step for a very long time, but sooner or later they realize it and move forward. Others jump right on up! In corporate America, strong and powerful women are often referred to as “bitches” by their male counterparts or employees of both sexes, because that attitude is what keeps them above ground and in charge. People are intimidated, and of course annoyed, by bitchy women, but if you look at it as a stage of wonderful stage you will see your sisters in a much rosier light!

   Look at yourself, what stage are you in now? And the next time someone calls you a “Bitch”, you can just smile and say “Why, THANK YOU!” The circle is becoming complete.

OFF with her hair!!!

The home made haircut is always a sign of transition in my life. I know that when that urge comes and I grab the scissors, big changes are afoot.

This past Yule, I had my son cut off about 10 inches of my hair :). It was an act of change, making way for new things to come. I knew that I was supposed to LEAP, but did not know where I was supposed to land. We made a ponytail, blessed it, and chopped it off. It was freeing, but I grieved my hair for a little while. (I actually still have the ponytail…never know when I might need it!). I walked around with the chop a few days to see if I need to cut more. When I knew I was done for the time being, my mom graciously cut off the loose ends.

Over the last 6 months, my hair grew back. It grows fast, and it was almost as if weeds were taking over the flower field. I would look at my hair, and it was as if I had someone else’s hair on my head. I know this must sound strange. I have been struggling with some decisions, and I can feel I am on the verge of some major changes, my “life weeds” are keeping me from taking the necessary leaps.

Today, I felt as if my Spirit was being strangled by my hair.


As I listened to the ratchet sound of the blades cutting through my hair, I could feel my Spirit lifting. First 2ish inches, Then 2 more. Then I stopped measuring and just cut.

It is amazing how much of our “self” our hair holds. I picked up the big clumps of red, fluffy hair, and happily threw them in my compost pile.

I stopped here, but am staying open to receive further direction. I keep seeing visions of “Amelie”….but I may let a pro go there :).

Damn, girl, just be happy!

I am closing a strange year :).  There were setbacks, challenges, and triumphs. As the year ends, I tend to struggle with “what should have happened this year”, as I do every year. Or, I should say I “struggled”, since right now, I have a completely different attitude.

For one, I really don’t give a rats ass about what I did not accomplish, as it was probably not meant to be. Honestly, while I was jotting down my completion list for 2012 (if you want to know more about that, or join in, go here) , the things I did not accomplish are all things I did not really want, but thought I had to want, if that makes sense? I am finding myself very un-guilt-ridden.

Did I get hypnotized? Too many beers? No :).

A few days ago, I got this in my inbox:

If you had one goal, and that was to feel good, you would never again need
to hear another word from anyone. You would live successfully and happily
and in a way of fulfilling your life’s purpose ever after.

— Abraham

When I read that, I had a revelation. YES!!! It is that simple.

Damn, girl, just be happy.

Since then, I am seriously walking around, thinking “Does that make you happy?” I take in, evaluate, execute. If the answer is not yes, well then, “NO! Go AWAY!”.

This quote makes so much sense to me, and the effect right now is a pretty happy Heike.

And this is for all you out there who ARE thinking about what they accomplished this year :). I love you, and am happy that the universe has a yang balance for my ying :). If you need some guidance, or just love super cool & creative workbooks, forums, and some sisters who “got your back” as you make your dreams reality, again check THIS out. I actually have a brain filled with new ideas, all fueled by my instinct of what makes me happy first, and what makes me money second.

It is a freeing way to continue :).
Much love,


Sometimes, you are given a gift and don’t know it until you have thrown it away.

A few weeks ago, I had the rare opportunity to have Bea, a artist/shaman, draw a spirit picture for me. I was completely unprepared, as I did not come to her with a “question”. I thought she could just put me on my path, the one I am supposed to be on right now. Ha! She sat patiently as I formed the question I wanted to ask from the jungle in my brain. So many questions!! She said:”I can’t answer that, that is a yes/no question. If I answer that, you may not like the answer…..”. True. So dug deep again, formulated what is really stirring my spirit right now, and asked.

Bea started her drums, closed her eyes, and began her magic. She started telling me what she saw, and what did not make sense at first, was spelled out more clearly, and I almost dropped from my chair. She began to draw. I recognized the beautiful apparition in the drawing, she was a familiar, my Spirit Guide. I had tears in my eyes. Bea did not know that she has just made the first picture of the guide I have seen in my dreams for years. The picture took shape, and in the bottom corner she drew a squirrel.

A squirrel??

What the heck? I am not a fan of squirrels. They make my dog crazy, who then makes me crazy. When we walk on the leash, a squirrel can bring the hell dog out in him. What is a squirrel doing in my picture?

Bea asked me if I had a connection to squirrels. I told her “no”, and gave her my hell dog story. “You know, squirrels are industrious animals….I think this one is with you for a reason.”.


Oh. The day before, I finally dug up my garden beds, pulled out old plants (this is always hard for me, hate letting go…), and spread chicken manure to prepare for my fall crop. While digging, I found two acorns. “How did those get there, Mama?” “I don’t know, the squirrels must have put them in.”.

I fold Bea about my acorns. She told me to put them on my altar, the one with visuals.

I panicked. Where did I put those darn acorns? I remember putting them on a table, thinking we should root them for trees. When I got home, I searched high and low for those acorns.

I was devastated. They were gone. My spirit gift, my “oak trees”, where gone.

I got over it. Today, I went out the bed to plant some seeds. What did I find?

Another acorn. Another gift.

Another chance……

*Bea can be reached at

Authentic = slightly unpopular or Superstar

The day you decide to be authentic and not give a toot about what others think, is the day you will become both unpopular and gain superstar status at the same time.

How quickly people will judge honesty as bitchiness. Saying what is true to “you”, speaking your thoughts out loud, uttering your opinion and sticking to it even after you have heard others….well, it is quite “unladylike”.


On the other hand, there are those who respect you because you are authentic. Because you say what you feel, wear what you want, like who you want, eat what you want, write what you want….In general, you do what you want. It is a stage in life that comes when you no longer give a toot, because, quite frankly, those that matter love you as you are, on good days and on bad. And the rest, well, they really don’t matter.

Just my thought to take you into the lovely weekend.
With love,
The Real Me

DIY woman

The last few days have been a craze! Here is a quick update on miscellaneous happenings:

1. I am still doing no poo….shampoo, that is. Baking soda and vinegar. The interesting thing is that the time between washings is getting longer and longer. Though I do think the combo is drying my hair out a bit, will have to find an in between alternative. My hair is growing, and is at the hair raising length of nothingness…not short, not long, just there.

2. I am successfully medicating my dog :). He seems prone to this weird ear infection in his floppy ear. As a trip to the vet, with a very small tube of antibiotic, costs $75, plus another $35 for the follow up a week later, and so on….Not only that, while trying to find the Guatamala version of this antibiotic online (so I am cheap, hey, I am an artist….) I found out that it has caused dogs to go deaf. Thank the Goddess for my diverse friends and the internet. I have made him ear drops with beautiful purple gentian violet that stains the world when he shakes..but it seems to helping! Also, adding nettles to his food (what is good for mama can only be good for the pooch), and salmon oil. Today I took him for some primping around at Petsmart (we don’t buy food there, but it is great for socializing!! LOL), damn, it must hard being so LARGE, FURRY, and CUDDLY! After several attempts of people trying to touch & tousle….he fell asleep, mentally exhausted.

3. Thank you to my friend Julia who gifted me a macrobiotic cookbook. OMg…I am in love. It was written in 1987, and I cannot believe how right on it is about the effects of certain foods. I am switching our diets.

4. Still not eating meat. Only had one craving attack after reading a post about Elk Stew. Had to settle for buffalo, and at 3 plates of hot, steamy, stew. It was fabulous, and I am good.

5. Planted an apricot tree. Now we have fig, plums, kiwi, grapes, boysenberry, rasberry (if the cane ever sprouts), rhubarb (still in the bag, but will be planted), and oranges. Found out our parcel is too small for chickens :(.

6. My baby turned 8 today!! I am …..???

7. My big baby is growing up and writing awesome essays, I am so proud of her.

8. My mom is coming in a few days…YIPEE!! Love it when she is here……Just love it.

9. Feng Shuied my bedroom, turned my bed…only to find that I could not sleep. Turned it all around again, and there you have it.

10. Attmepting to get more sleep. Good night.