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Even good Shit can get overwhelming

It is 3am, and I am contemplating the purpose of life.

I was asleep, but was awakened by my frantic dog, barking at the door and intermittently coming to get me to tell me something is wrong. A houseparty up the the street from me must have exploded, there are hundreds of loud, slightly stupid sounding kids on my street. God, I hope my kids never sound or act like that. I can hear the police approaching, the crowd outside is getting antsy.

Anyways, I digress. 25 minutes later the street was back to its’ normal, quiet, sleepy suburbian boring self. My dog is now sleeping soundly under my bed, and I am fully awake.

After several rounds of guided meditations, a sleepy tea, an audiobook that did not grab me, some exercise….I decided to go the library and play book roulette. “A Love Story” popped up, I put it on my iPad, and was pleasantly surprised. An collection of short stories!

The first story is about Mavis, who locks herself in a bathroom for a week to think.

I have not finished the story, but am in love with Mavis. And I am jealous that I only have one bathroom. The thought of locking myself into a bathroom for a week, with food that I love (not nourishing, that I love), books, magazines, something to write, and maybe my wi-fi, is fantastic. I would also buy myself a one cup coffee machine for this adventure.

Lately, I have been restless and sleepless, and all around annoyed. I am not sure what is triggering this insolence, but I can feel little tentacles of bitchiness coming out. In one way, it is helping, as I am ruthlessly purging things that don’t make me happy, and that is a big feat right now. On the other hand, I took a pause in reading with Mavis to ask myself “What is wrong?”.

7733821_origI have a great family. I am not kidding, my husband, though truly nerve wracking, is a good and hardworking man. And obviously gifted with a inhumane amount of patience, as we will be married 20 years next week. I am not easy. My kids are both fantastic, spoiled, but fantastic. I have a house in suburbia, lots of stuff in it to keep my creative spirit busy, a dog, chickens, a back yard, wi-fi…..I don’t have a 9-5, so my crazy sleep/ no sleep schedule is doable. I really don’t know how I would function in the real world, I would have to take drugs.

Back to Mavis living in her bathroom. I am drawn to her because we are both yearning for the simple life. I am almost feel as if my life, and the stuff in it, are taking my breathe away. I am tempted to pimp out my van and go live in it. But then where would everyone else sleep?? How would the kids get to school and function? Who would cook heavy, meat based dinners for my hardworking husband, and where would all this damn laundry go??

Sitting here in the quiet, yet chaotic dining room sipping my warm milk with turmeric, I think I have hit the nail on the head.

Too much shit. Even good shit can get overwhelming.

Too many little responsibilities and needs of others suck away energy from the true purpose of what I am here for. Don’t get me wrong, being the mother of these gorgeous humans, and the wife/friend to my husband, the daughter to my mama, and the friend to my few, but true friends is fulfilling. Yet, I also want to find the energy to work with young women, find my witchy circle of women for ritual and growth, go camping by myself in the redwoods, publish my ebook, make KitchenWitches for fun and give them away (I had this dream that I traveled around and delivered custom KitchenWitches to women in different situations, and just made their day. I was like Ellen, only with Witches. It was fabulous, and now is on my “to do” list), things that make my spirit grow and bring in money to support it all comfortably. On that note, I also want another shepherd puppy.

It is time make things clear and simple again, and I need to do it before I am 79 and locked in a bathroom.

How are you finding your life’s purpose, Beautiful??

I am creating my Goddess Haven….Clearing Life Issues by de-cluttering

My constant journey of decluttering is quite epic. In my past lives, I was probably without “stuff”, so I am hoarding it now. Denise Linn, one of my favorite author’s, explains in her book Past Lives, Present Dreams
how you can break present recurring journeys by going into your past life. Hard for me to explain, but it is something I am going to do now, as my “issues” seem unbreakable.

A few weeks ago I joined the “Create your Goddess Haven E-course” :). I am on Week 3. I have a circle of Goddesses who are space clearing with me, and I have someone to answer too. I enjoy seeing the pictures of other Goddesses, and reading the posts of the trials & tribulations, and the satisfaction of getting a job done. Alongside that, there are beautiful worksheets, meditations, and Abundance tips. No, it is not free, which is exactly why I waited so long to do it. But now I must say, it is well worth the money! I actually joined the Goddess Circle, which lets me access ALL the e-courses, forums, etc, as well as enabling me to connect with “sisters” from all around the world. $99 for the year is quite a deal, and quite a fabulous energy. I am also noticing that my life issues correlate with clutter issues if identifying Feng Shui challenges. Money, Reputation, Career…Health.

Sofar, I have cleared, my dining room “stock piles”, made my bathroom into a spa :), and this weekend I cleaned out my linen closet so we have 2 sets of sheets for each bed instead of zillions…I am in the process of making my bedroom a haven, especially after I read “Where you sleep reflects who you are.”. EEEK…that is all that came to mind when I read that.

As I am clearing, I am finding things to give away. If you are not already there, LIKE my facebook page MyGypsyMarket, I will be listing “giveable” things as clear. I am sure when I get to my studio/play/retreat room, there will be lots of books.

Why am I giving you all these links? Because I always share things THAT I LOVE and that I see as valuable assets in my life, and because I am FINALLY getting a handle on this cluttered house. I have some major changes planned in my life to fulfill my future goals, and to do this, I need a serene & happy house.

Enjoy, and let me know if you decide to join Circle…find me there, Lovelies.

My Tupperware set me free!

If you have been missing me, well, I have been down in the ditches with dust, dirt, dog hair, and other unmentionables. I have found bills that have been completely ignored, others from 2002, pictures of people I do not know the names of anymore, and clothes….

Oh, my beautiful clothes….

Today is day 4 of a manic panic ditching session before I ring in the New Year tomorrow night with friends. I received the not so subtle messages in my dreams and horoscope that I better get my ass in gear and get rid of what I did not want repeated in 2010.

I was contemplating torching the place, but then I do love this house. Plus, the heater in the van does not work.

Four evenings ago, as I was stuffing yet some more books (which I just purchased at the thrift store!) into my custom-built bookshelf that is stacked double-deep, one of my old books fell out and on to my toes. “Clear your Clutter with Feng Shui”, by Karen Kingston. I have only read this book at least 5 times in the last 10 years, but something made me open to page 1 and start reading, AGAIN. That was a mistake. Oh my GODDESS! I walked into my kitchen, which happens to be my Prosperity area, and thought: I am doomed. I was still sorting Tupperware at 4 am. I threw out everything that did not have a top or bottom (no matter if they were expensive Tupper or cheap Rubbermaid), all my ten million saved joghurt canisters, scrubbed my sink, found my table, etc. My recycle bin is full.

Next I tackled my bedroom, which houses my super book shelves behind a beautiful, vibrant curtain, LOL. I myself am amazed at how many Feng Shui, Moon Magic, Magic, Herb, Knitting/Crochet, Business & Network marketing (old life), and misc. Goddess Power books I have. One of the nice things about clearing that first layer of books is that I find books I totally forgot I had…and I already bought another copy!

Uff, and that pile of STUFF on my desk. I hate paper, yet it loves me. It attaches to me like a bad stink.

As it says in my good little book, clutter attracts bad energy. I already know that, so why in the hell do I have so much clutter? It is crazy. So, on day two, I hauled out 3 giant boxes of paper, old magazines, crap. That was after I sorted out books into piles for friends, piles for doubles, and a box for the thrift store (I do not give books away lightly, and yet, I had a whole box of books I did not love. Not enought to give them to friends, that shows you the state of mind I must be in sometimes). Finding so much stuff that was unwanted, and unneeded really got me thinking about how this stuff correlates with my life. If you know me, you know that “clutter”, and trying to get rid of it, seems to be a thread. Having the proof stare me in the face……..

That is when I paniced! Only how many days until New Years Eve??

Yesterday I tackled the garage/junk room/laundry/pantry room. That room morphs at night and grows stuff. That room is like a pimple on my ass. I have no idea WHY we cannot keep that room clean. So I tackled it yet again.

Today, I explained to the kids that this is an emergency. My daughter must go into her closet, and get out whatever she does not love. LOVE, you hear me??? I don’t care what I paid for it, if you have ever worn it, if it is still too big. If you don’t LOVE it, hand it over. Amazingly enough, she filled a whole garbage bag, even though we just cleared a few weeks ago. We have good friends to give most of it to, yet, another nudge into my conscious. Heike, what the hell are doing???

My son, well he dumped the giant storage tote that has been sitting in my living room, and it was Christmas all over for him. Once he sorted out Legos, train tracks, Lincoln Logs from the general mayhem, I made him choose one to give away. I got the evil eye, and had to bribe a kiss with the promise of Diary Queen.

My closet, well that is a matter of its’ own. I do have clothes that I have had for at least 20 years, and I think they still fit me for the most part. That does not mean I should wear them, ever. I still had some polyester stints in there from my working days, some success suits from my direct sales days, and lots and lots of shoes. I have a shoe thing. Or had, since now my wardrobe consists mainly of cowboy boots, hiking boots, and tennis shoes that lift your butt. I have not worn heels for at least 4 years, yet, I still had 3 pairs of heels, with price tags in my closet, nestled in with all their buddies. What can I say?

I took a deep breath, and plunged in. I stuffed a giant bag with clothes for WEAVE, and another for the thrift store. I am over the initial shock, and might go back in tomorrow and take out some more.

I packed my car, and donated. I came home, and discovered that I forgot two bags, LOL.

Now, I am going to tackle more paper. I have to punch little holes in it and file. I will do so with a smile and a big glass of rum. Maybe rum & coffee….

One more night…

What I am thankful for: My kids, who are afraid I may be going insane.

What I am reading: “House of Spirits” by Isabel Allende.

Countdown to a new life.

“You have to practically die, and wake back up”.

Not his exact words, but that is what Dr. Wayne Dyer told me the other night at 2:30 am on PBS. I could not sleep, and thankfully was so frustrated that I decided to while my life away by watching TV.

Why would he say this? Well, what I heard was that you have to practically die and wake up “brand spankin’ new” in order to drop all your baggage, your bad habits, your toxic friends, family, and life in general…..unless, of course, you are committed enough to begin following the Tao. Dr. Dyer fascinates me. Check out his “Change your Thoughts, Change your Life”.

I swear I heard him say: “So Heike, the first step is to follow the 80/20 rule. And start in your closet, then tackle the rest of your life.”

“Oh, and Heike? Get going now, ’cause you have a LOT to get rid of before we can continue.”

In case you, as I, did not know the 80/20 rule before Dr. Dyer made it up for me personally:

You use 20% of your ______________(fill in the blank with your favorite. Mine immediate list: shoes, clothes, books, yarn, fabric, beads, shoes) almost every day and every time you need ___________________ (shoes?). The other 80% of your _____________________ sit there unused. Take that 80% and give it away immediately, with love. Then take your favorite item of your 20% of ________________, and give it to someone with love. There, that is ONE of the steps to changing your life.

Wow. This show came after a few other signs were dancing in front of my face, it is time for some radical change. Since then I have shredded 5 million pieces of paper, helped my kids sort through books, cleaned out my fridge (20% edible, LOL), and tomorrow I am finally ready to give my closet a radical shake. (Goodbye, green go-go boots, good bye embroidered vest…and some other loved family members.).

After all, Dr. Dyer told me so.

Blasting the SpiritZappers, Day 20 – You will be quickly and safely removed.

Today I tandem-tackled the kid’s rooms :).

After perusing the online stores for the perfect long, but not too high, and not too wide bookshelf, I realized that none of them were in my $5 budget. Then it hit me, I jumped into my car, raced to Home Depot. I bought a few concrete blocks and 10ft board, and Voilà!, the perfect shelf was born. And guess what? It has magic powers….it made B WANT to clean his room!!

On to the older child. There is a challenge that will take me at least 2 days.

She is tucked away safely at camp :), in the woods, singing “Kumbayah”. She will be SO HAPPY when she comes home to a clean, fabulously scented (all natural, of course. Who am I??) room. And she will never know what fueled the bonfire that is going to make my marshmallows tomorrow night. And no, I do not want to hear any opinions on privacy. That died when I walked in there the other day and just about wilted. That room is mine.

What I am reading: Still “Dragonfly in Amber”. I don’t know, not grabbing me as much as the first one. Also “Teaching our kids responsibility”.. 🙂
What I am grateful for: Going to the river with my family.
What I am manifesting: SALES, still.