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journey

A letter to my 13 year old self

In 2007, I was 38, I wrote a letter to my 13 year old self as part of a blog Meme.

I loved reading this again, and will now add my 40’s.

I hope this inspires you to write to your budding teenage self!

(clearing throat, wiping eyes)

Dear Heike,

Yipee! You are 13!! Finally, you hit your teens. Isn’t this the day you have been waiting for? If you could only be like all the other thirteen year olds…but you can’t. It is ok, soon, you will not have to change so much to fit in. Actually, you will be honored because you are so different.

The rest of your teens are filled with adventure, a few authentic friends, and many people who just want to take advantage of you. Heed them! And do not let them into your house. You will know who your true friends are, and they will be with you for a long time. Be nice to your mama, she is doing the best she can. If I could keep you off that motorcycle, I would. Too many close calls :), but you are a bit of a wild child with a very sensible brain.

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Fuzzy blast from my 20’s past

Your 20’s start out with a bang, and an accident that will change your life. You will think it is the end of the world, but it is not. You will survive the pain, the uncertainty, and all the follow up operations. And you will carry all the scars with pride, because you have conquered. When you are MUCH older, you will discover Frida Kahlo, the courageous and ingenious artist who had a brace just like you. I promise, you will overcome. A man you can’t stand to be around becomes your soulmate, and you will marry him. When you are 28, you will have a baby they say you will never have. She is a miracle.

Your 30’s are pretty awesome. You are a mama now, and you have learned from many of your past mistakes. Everything you endured growing up, will now make you strong and opinionated. You will become a Goddess, and finally find your clan. You will also find your path, and all your past and present dreams will make more sense. They are your calling. You will have another baby, and they are both fabulous. You are an artist, and your hands make you happy.

Your 40’s make you feel like you are 25 again. Not in the body, but the BRAIN! Your Spirit is vibrant, and feisty! You begin to get more interested in politics, because you want to make your home a better place to live. You become a very vocal pain in the butt, and people know your name, even if it is a bit difficult for people to say! Your children are now teens, and they are pretty opinionated, fantastic humans. They are a lot like you are now: primal, smart, feisty, wild, and they drive you crazy. Your daughter is the confident young Goddess woman you wanted her to become, she has enough confidence for a whole country.  You are becoming a mentor for a younger generation, as you walk between the lines of society. You are the keeper of the Goddess, and your work is with women & girls, making them warriors. You are still working with your hands, your dreams, and your intuition.

As you get older, your life just keeps getting better. Just like a good wine ;).

Love,
Heike

OFF with her hair!!!

The home made haircut is always a sign of transition in my life. I know that when that urge comes and I grab the scissors, big changes are afoot.

This past Yule, I had my son cut off about 10 inches of my hair :). It was an act of change, making way for new things to come. I knew that I was supposed to LEAP, but did not know where I was supposed to land. We made a ponytail, blessed it, and chopped it off. It was freeing, but I grieved my hair for a little while. (I actually still have the ponytail…never know when I might need it!). I walked around with the chop a few days to see if I need to cut more. When I knew I was done for the time being, my mom graciously cut off the loose ends.

Over the last 6 months, my hair grew back. It grows fast, and it was almost as if weeds were taking over the flower field. I would look at my hair, and it was as if I had someone else’s hair on my head. I know this must sound strange. I have been struggling with some decisions, and I can feel I am on the verge of some major changes, my “life weeds” are keeping me from taking the necessary leaps.

Today, I felt as if my Spirit was being strangled by my hair.

OFF WITH IT.

As I listened to the ratchet sound of the blades cutting through my hair, I could feel my Spirit lifting. First 2ish inches, Then 2 more. Then I stopped measuring and just cut.

It is amazing how much of our “self” our hair holds. I picked up the big clumps of red, fluffy hair, and happily threw them in my compost pile.

I stopped here, but am staying open to receive further direction. I keep seeing visions of “Amelie”….but I may let a pro go there :).

JOURNEY: A Gift

Sometimes, you are given a gift and don’t know it until you have thrown it away.

A few weeks ago, I had the rare opportunity to have Bea, a artist/shaman, draw a spirit picture for me. I was completely unprepared, as I did not come to her with a “question”. I thought she could just put me on my path, the one I am supposed to be on right now. Ha! She sat patiently as I formed the question I wanted to ask from the jungle in my brain. So many questions!! She said:”I can’t answer that, that is a yes/no question. If I answer that, you may not like the answer…..”. True. So dug deep again, formulated what is really stirring my spirit right now, and asked.

Bea started her drums, closed her eyes, and began her magic. She started telling me what she saw, and what did not make sense at first, was spelled out more clearly, and I almost dropped from my chair. She began to draw. I recognized the beautiful apparition in the drawing, she was a familiar, my Spirit Guide. I had tears in my eyes. Bea did not know that she has just made the first picture of the guide I have seen in my dreams for years. The picture took shape, and in the bottom corner she drew a squirrel.

A squirrel??

What the heck? I am not a fan of squirrels. They make my dog crazy, who then makes me crazy. When we walk on the leash, a squirrel can bring the hell dog out in him. What is a squirrel doing in my picture?

Bea asked me if I had a connection to squirrels. I told her “no”, and gave her my hell dog story. “You know, squirrels are industrious animals….I think this one is with you for a reason.”.

Hmmmm…..

Oh. The day before, I finally dug up my garden beds, pulled out old plants (this is always hard for me, hate letting go…), and spread chicken manure to prepare for my fall crop. While digging, I found two acorns. “How did those get there, Mama?” “I don’t know, the squirrels must have put them in.”.

I fold Bea about my acorns. She told me to put them on my altar, the one with visuals.

I panicked. Where did I put those darn acorns? I remember putting them on a table, thinking we should root them for trees. When I got home, I searched high and low for those acorns.

I was devastated. They were gone. My spirit gift, my “oak trees”, where gone.

I got over it. Today, I went out the bed to plant some seeds. What did I find?

Another acorn. Another gift.

Another chance……

*Bea can be reached at http://www.pizerart.com/bio.htm

Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness

As you may know, I homeschool my kids. Today, we continued our history lesson on the American Revolution by watching an excellent film series by the History Channel called America – The Story of Us.

They really know how to bring the Revolution, and the key players, to life. Daniel Morgen, the intelligent drunk who led the militia and highly expertised “mountain” soldiers, George Washington, the rebel leader 🙂 (I had no idea, the man was a courageous hunk!), and all the strong and willful men and women who settled in the United States. The hardships they endured to fulfill their dreams, as simple and insignificant as they may seem today.

Freedom? Choices?
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created
equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.
That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, …
That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends,
it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it.”

Hard to believe this was drafted over 200 years ago. And what people had to endure and sacrifice to receive these simple rights.

Fast forward to today. A nation under siege of the bad economy. Torn, strapped, angry…People are spoiled from living the Good Life for so long, and now can’t cope.

Personally, I was so impressed by the images of this film, and thinking about the strength and will these people had.

I felt wimpy. Yes, wimpy.

There is no reason in the world that I cannot have what I want in life. There is no reason that I cannot travel the road to my dream immediately. There is no reason that I cannot make enough money for my family to have what they need to live fulfllled and happy, with my talents. There is no reason that I let my body get weak, and then complain of getting ill and feeling fatigued. There is no reason that my husband, who works like a dog on a schedule that would have killed me 3 years ago, can’t quit and do the work he loves. It is all about how you see life, and thinking about what you REALLY want, and what you willing to do to get it. Anything?

Yes, I am getting off my ass immediately.
Why don’t you get off of yours and join me.

With love,
Heike

Journey: Letting go, whether I like it or not

If you have been with for a while or follow La Luna, you know that now is a perfect time to let go…release….

You also know that I have a hard time parting with anything put my money :).

The last few days have been strange, it is as if Universe is saying:
“Heike, I have had enough of your procrastination. How the hell are you supposed to receive, when you don’t get rid of what does not serve you?”.

Hmmm…when it is time to let it go, I feel as if it is serving me just fine. But our house only has so much space, and I still watch the “Tiny House” videos for inspiration.

Just now, I was making jam. While waiting for the jam to seal, I started washing the dishes I made. I turn on the “chomper” in my sink. Two of my favorite bowls fly through the air and

BAM!!!

They hit the ground and shatter to pieces. I have had these bowls for a quite a few years…the dragonflies were fading. They had chips and dents, but I did not want to throw them away.

As I was sweeping up the carnage, I realized this was one of several instances when something that should really leave either broke, burned, disintegrated, or had water damage so bad it was useless. I am also in the midst of planning for greater things to come :), moving rooms to accommodate new ventures, and bringing in new duds. I have had some strange opportunities to release both things and beings….

Watch what flies around you with open eyes, may just be some tough love from the Universe!

Anyone else experiencing this?

JOURNEY:The magic of a good book….


I am a lucky girl.

A few weeks ago I was on day trip with MY WOMEN to Berkeley (the coolest town…made we wish I was 21 again for about an hour), one of stops was the “Half off” bookshop. Straight for the clearance sign I went. Guess what dropped into my hand? The sequel to one of my most favorite stories, “Chocolat”.

:).

I didn’t even know there was a sequel! “Girl with No Shadow”. I also discovered that Joanne Harris wrote a bunch of other books just for Heike.

Can I admit that I made up for the many books I gave away?

A few minutes ago, I wrote on my FB: “Jazz, glass of wine, a good book”. I got all snuggled, ready to turn off the puter, and what do I see? My friend Denyse posted the winner for her book “Without Alice”. Zipped right over.

Me! Me! Me!

No shame here….I won it :).

http://djkirkby.blogspot.com/2010/07/are-you-punked-books-winner.html

Do yourself a favor and check out her blog and book. I got to read excerpts as Denyse was putting it together. She is a fabulous writer, and her story will keep you turning the pages….

Now for that glass of wine :)……..

JOURNEY: Stillness…..

My life is loud, and a bit chaotic. It seems that there is always something chattering in my head….the computer, the phone, the kids, the dog…..or maybe the TV as background noise as I seldom sit down to watch something. If it is quiet in the house, I guarantee you that one of my neighbors has their garden people blowing away three leaves with leaf blower. I have a feeling the leaf blowing maniacs enjoy polluting my world with noise, while they are wearing protective ear muffs…..

With that said, everything is fairly quiet between 11PM and 8AM. You may notice that most of my writing, posts, FB banter, etc, happens between these times. I also paint Goddesses or create my Kitchen Witches then, because it is QUIET!!! I can have, and complete, a thought process.

Now that the summer is here, I have another place to escape to:

My hammock. In the mornings, my dog wakes me up between 6am and 6:15am, like an alarm clock. I let him out in the back yard, and follow him to lay down on my hammock :). Decked out with a pillow and my favorite blanket, I snuggle up under my tree. It is so peaceful. If I don’t fall back asleep, lulled in the cool morning air…..I listen to the birds, the bees, and other sounds of the morning. The leaves of the tree swishing….Every once in a while I get a sloppy dog kiss (I am at the perfect height when laying in my hammock, he does not have to stretch!), or get knocked in the head with a dirty, slimy, well loved squeaky toy, but other than that, it is PEACE.

BLISS & PEACE?? I realize that I write often of these “spots” in my life. It is because I am very conscious of how “peaceful” I am when I am there. I am not meditating, I am not doing breath exercises, I am doing nothing but consciously enjoying my moment there, without any outside “chatter”. Our world is noisy; it seems we are becoming more wired, more distracted, more torn to multi-task constantly.

BTW, even my children have a PEACE spot, they picked it completely unknowingly, and call it that….it is under a weeping willow, buy a stream, in our park.

Where is your PEACE spot?

JOURNEY: Just do it….

I got to experience the pure innocence and lack of all inhibitions again.

Only, it was not me being carefree, but my son, who is 8. I took him to the public pool, swam with him for an hour, and then let him head out on his own. Within 3 minutes he joined a group of kids that were there for summer day camp.

He played with a dozen or so different kids until it was time to leave. As we were walking to the car, he says: “I made a lot of new friends, Mama!”.

He did not care what they looked like, talked like, how old they were. He did not care if he never saw them again, and probably does not know their name.

It does not matter, he lives for the moment.

Today (or tomorrow!), I challenge you to live for the moment. Walk up to someone who you think looks interesting, or who you have been eying for months now, but never talked to, and just introduce yourself. It does not matter who/what/why, or if they scream and run away :).

Have no inhibitions, this is the first step to loving your authentic self.

I have done this a few times, and can tell you that it has added people to my life that I just LOVE!! Had I not just talked to them, they would have walked in and out of my life…and I know what I would be missing.

So, go, just DO IT :).

And then tell us what happened.

*If you are new, check out the “Journey” tag for more information.

JOURNEY: Checking OUT for a day

Today we decided to “Check out” for a day. No phones, no computer, no piles of clothes or paper, no dishes, no bickering kids…

We grabbed our dog, stocked our van with a weeks’ worth of food, and headed to the Marin Headlands for a day. We had a fabulous day, and now the husband, the kids, and the dog are sleeping blissfully.

I released myself from all responsibilities for day, and guess what? The house is still standing as I type :).

Give yourself permission to “check out” for a day, or even a few hours today.

JOURNEY: Let them go, and they will come


The beautiful moon is waninng, and this is the time to RELEASE.

Release stuff! Think of the 80/20 rule…..we use 20% of what we own, and the other 80% is just cluttering up our lives.

One of my big projects is all my books. I buy books all the time. I leave the thrift store with 5-10 books on a regular basis.

Where do I put all these books, you ask?

Good question.

In piles. All over my house. I am starting to look like a crazy hermit book lady.

The day I started sorting books, was the same day that I got home and my next door neighbor met me with a stack of books. “Wait, I have more!” she says. She returns with a box filled with books.

25 wonderful, some classic, some fabulously obscure, herbal books. Even a little wildflower pocket guide for hiking!

sigh.

I love them already. She has inspired me to be more selective with the books I keep, so I am sorting, FOR REAL, and will list the books I have for others to enjoy.

So, my Journey task for this waning moon is my books, and my junk pile, er, desk in my room with all my bills hidden in between the other pharaphanelia that ends up there.

I am sharing a photo of the shelf in my living room…this is nothing, will not post the others.

Send me a pic of your Journey task and I will post it! heikesharp (at) gmail.com