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Deviating from the Original Plan

I am closer to 50 than ever, and I feel like I am trying to climb the mountain of destiny. You know, that feeling that there is something I should be doing right now that will let the big breakthrough emerge.

I don’t know if it is an inflated ego, or if the Universe really has the Big Bang in store for me.

I can still remember this moment like it happened yesterday: I woke up in the emergency room after my accident. I was not operated on yet, but was in the holding loop.  I had the craziest dream where I was talking to my Opa (who passed over many years before) about how I had majorly screwed up with this one, and that I was in big trouble. He did not answer me, just patted my hand. When I woke up to the stark light of the emergency room, I was crying. The nurse,  a short and feisty Romanian nurse that spoke little German (they had just hired her, one of the many foreign nurses that were filling the gap), came and told me to try to calm down, that I was going into shock. I became slightly hsyterical, tellling her that I could not feel my legs. No one had told me at this time how serious my injuries were, I had broken my back. Again, I knew something was very wrong.


This fantastic nurse creature, whose name I do not know, but whose face is in front of me as I type today, said in her halting German/English “All I can tell you is that you had better get your shit together and find your strentgh. You can get through this, I can see that. Right now, you can’t even walk yourself to the edge of a cliff.”

There you go.

I have had some major setbacks in the last year or so, and felt my path getting mucky. Health, independence, future, money….all these things seemed to get challenging at the same time. One day, I stormed out of the house, walked to the park, and sat under a tree. Quietly. Turned of my phone. I sat there and watched people, stared at the creek, leaned against the tree.

Heike, get your shit together.

I realized again that I am the creator of my own destiny. I did not get through the challenges I did to sit back now and wither. I remembered what Dr. Wayne Dyer said once: “Whenever major setbacks happen, I see them as a learning opportunity.” I also remembered how I layed in a hospital bed for 8 months patiently and not so patiently, waiting for someone to give the thumbs up to let me get up. I remembered learning to walk again, and all the wonderful things that happened since then. I remembered how grateful I am to have received the chance to live my life, even if it deviated from my original plan.

There lies the secret! “Even if it deviated from my original plan”.

You see, there are times in life when we have to step back and look at the whole picture from the outside in. If you are spiraling, it is time to stop the swirl and take a breather. Analyze all choices, and reflect on why you are making them. Are they good for you? Will they be good for you next week, next month?  ARE YOU HAPPY??? I meet so many people who are successful, who have lots of money, who have an impressive resume; but they are not HAPPY.

Happiness is primal. Make your happiness the #1 priority and go from there.



It’s all good……

“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing”
` Agatha Christie

This was in my Simple Abundance today. Isn’t it fabulous? There are times when you think nothing worse can happen, not another repair, another unexpected bill, another broken glass….the kids go nuts, the husband stinks, a rotten mood prevails.

When all quiets down, a glass of wine; you have some time to “rebalance”, all is good.

Embrace your life, and it will love you back.

What I am grateful for: The opportunity of change.

What I am manifesting: Change 🙂

What I am reading: “Violin” by Anne Rice

Well, I’ll be darned, has it been over a year?

In the last few days I have had the opportunity to meet up with old friends who I used to see on a regular basis.

Friend Nr. 1: We live 5 minutes from each other. We used to meet once every two weeks and escape to the bookstore for coffee and some laughing. Her new baby will be 1 year in Feb, and we figured out that we have seen each other twice since she is born :(…once was at a soccer field when I was walking the dog and she brought me rhubarb. So, it really doesn’t count as our time.

Friend Nr. 2: We live further apart, 20 minutes or so. We have not seen each other for over 1.5 years. Last night, we realized how much we really have in common, and why we became instant friends when we met. Our boys, only 5 days difference in age, are like soul brothers.

It made me realize that my “busy” life, which 80% of is not life enhancing, is taking over the things that make me happy. How does this happen? Very slow and steady. I end up doing alot of things that I dread to the minute I have to do them (are you nodding your head??), and get so worn out that I no longer make time for the things I love. One of them being seeing my friends that make me laugh, discuss, reflect.

Well, I am sure lucky that I am realizing this before I have lost my mind and my spirit.

Simplicity Opportunity # 3 : Ditch the “busy” stuff that is not ABSOLUTELY necessary, and pen my friends into my calendar at least once a month.