The magic of time travel!
If someone granted me ONE, only ONE, opportunity to travel to a certain time in my life, where would I go? At first, this seemed like a no-brainer. But, the more I thought about it, the harder it got.
Do I go back to the moment before my car accident, the one that broke my back and changed my life in a second? Would I leave the house a few minutes earlier, maybe have an extra cup of coffee that would make me more alert? Would I avoid the dog I veered away from? Or would it matter, since I am the only one who saw the giant creature? As in any story, changing fate, thus eliminating this bitch of a milestone from my life, would change the course. I would have gone to New York. Even though I believe strongly that my children chose me, I am sure not having their daddy in the mix would have made different children, and I would not give them up for anything. They are the best thing I have ever done.
Do I go back to the day my daddy died? I was on his porch that morning, cutting his hair with trimmer side of his electric razor because we could not find decent scissors. His beautiful, thick white hair. He was a traumatized soul, stuck in a reality he could not deal with without alcohol. That morning, we were laughing and joking, and he said “When I die, just throw me by the side of the road and let the County pick me up!” Macabre, later. He also made sure I knew he wanted to be cremated, an issue I had to fight for later with the family. I left him at 1pm to pick up my daughter. I hugged him, kissed him goodbye, and saw him for the last time. Spiky haircut & no teeth behind his kooky smile. It still brings tears to my eyes. A few hours later I got the call, he was dead. He knew it was coming, I did not. I would have stayed with him and called 911.
Do I go back and see my Oma one last time? Just to give her a hug & kiss, and tell her how much I love her? Tell her how much she influenced me, and that her praise meant the world to me? Whenever I felt like shit as a new mom, or when I was homesick, I would call my Oma. LIke she knew, she would say something like “I just got the photos you sent. You are doing such a great job, I am amazed how you do all this!”. I miss her dearly.
The more I think about this, the harder it gets. So many situations that were traumatic, but the things that came from them are pivotal. Accidents, bad choices, bad situations…So many last goodbyes. Then there are the fantastic moments, the ones I remember that make me smile instantly and make my heart warm & fuzzy. Go back and experience them again?
The Universe keeps giving me learning opportunities, and I am going to ponder on this more, teary eyed & laughing at the same time.
Just in case my wand wielding Fairy Godmother shows up to grant me that ONE time chance!
Where would YOU go?