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simple life

Even good Shit can get overwhelming

It is 3am, and I am contemplating the purpose of life.

I was asleep, but was awakened by my frantic dog, barking at the door and intermittently coming to get me to tell me something is wrong. A houseparty up the the street from me must have exploded, there are hundreds of loud, slightly stupid sounding kids on my street. God, I hope my kids never sound or act like that. I can hear the police approaching, the crowd outside is getting antsy.

Anyways, I digress. 25 minutes later the street was back to its’ normal, quiet, sleepy suburbian boring self. My dog is now sleeping soundly under my bed, and I am fully awake.

After several rounds of guided meditations, a sleepy tea, an audiobook that did not grab me, some exercise….I decided to go the library and play book roulette. “A Love Story” popped up, I put it on my iPad, and was pleasantly surprised. An collection of short stories!

The first story is about Mavis, who locks herself in a bathroom for a week to think.

I have not finished the story, but am in love with Mavis. And I am jealous that I only have one bathroom. The thought of locking myself into a bathroom for a week, with food that I love (not nourishing, that I love), books, magazines, something to write, and maybe my wi-fi, is fantastic. I would also buy myself a one cup coffee machine for this adventure.

Lately, I have been restless and sleepless, and all around annoyed. I am not sure what is triggering this insolence, but I can feel little tentacles of bitchiness coming out. In one way, it is helping, as I am ruthlessly purging things that don’t make me happy, and that is a big feat right now. On the other hand, I took a pause in reading with Mavis to ask myself “What is wrong?”.

7733821_origI have a great family. I am not kidding, my husband, though truly nerve wracking, is a good and hardworking man. And obviously gifted with a inhumane amount of patience, as we will be married 20 years next week. I am not easy. My kids are both fantastic, spoiled, but fantastic. I have a house in suburbia, lots of stuff in it to keep my creative spirit busy, a dog, chickens, a back yard, wi-fi…..I don’t have a 9-5, so my crazy sleep/ no sleep schedule is doable. I really don’t know how I would function in the real world, I would have to take drugs.

Back to Mavis living in her bathroom. I am drawn to her because we are both yearning for the simple life. I am almost feel as if my life, and the stuff in it, are taking my breathe away. I am tempted to pimp out my van and go live in it. But then where would everyone else sleep?? How would the kids get to school and function? Who would cook heavy, meat based dinners for my hardworking husband, and where would all this damn laundry go??

Sitting here in the quiet, yet chaotic dining room sipping my warm milk with turmeric, I think I have hit the nail on the head.

Too much shit. Even good shit can get overwhelming.

Too many little responsibilities and needs of others suck away energy from the true purpose of what I am here for. Don’t get me wrong, being the mother of these gorgeous humans, and the wife/friend to my husband, the daughter to my mama, and the friend to my few, but true friends is fulfilling. Yet, I also want to find the energy to work with young women, find my witchy circle of women for ritual and growth, go camping by myself in the redwoods, publish my ebook, make KitchenWitches for fun and give them away (I had this dream that I traveled around and delivered custom KitchenWitches to women in different situations, and just made their day. I was like Ellen, only with Witches. It was fabulous, and now is on my “to do” list), things that make my spirit grow and bring in money to support it all comfortably. On that note, I also want another shepherd puppy.

It is time make things clear and simple again, and I need to do it before I am 79 and locked in a bathroom.

How are you finding your life’s purpose, Beautiful??

How the heat awoke my “Spirit”.

IMG_3817My family always makes fun of me when I say “The heat is taking my breathe away”. They say I am like a sensitive flower :). I think there could be worse things to be called.

But in all reality, the heat makes me stop. I can’t imagine how workers outside, or our firefighters, survive in this hell. After a week of 105 and up, it finally hit me yesterday.

My body went on strike. It scared me a little, as my heart rate went up, and I physically felt BAD. Bad enough that I cancelled all appointments, cranked up the A/C, and went to sleep. I could hear my heart beat in my ears. Unfortunately, sleep did not heal, and I woke up still feeling sick. To make a long story short, I ended up going to measure my blood pressure, and it is high. I went back to sleep, and after 6 hours of day sleep and lots of extremely weird dreams, I have come to a revelation.

I need to move somewhere cooler. The summers here are getting worse, and we are surrounded by concrete.

I think my body is giving me a warning. I have been neglecting it. I have been working nights on a project, and not sleeping in the day to replenish. Only 2-3 hours of sleep per day are just not enough.

In regards to #2, I have to learn to put “health & well-being” back on priority spot #1. I find myself, and many of my friends, just straggling from one thing to another, and not embracing the center, Spirit, first. That is detrimental.

Stress is a bitch. We may not realize it, but stress is killer, and we are exposed to it all the time. I had the weirdest, visual stress dream. Stress comes in many forms, and it can slowly eat away at you. A perfectly easy remedy: Nature. I just went outside to water my heat battered garden and mist the chickens, and just being out there barefoot made me feel better. Whatever your life situation is, take at least 15-30 minutes to take a walk, swim, or run in nature. Go by yourself, if possible. This way you can turn your thoughts to your spirit and replenish. I am making it a point to implement this again daily.

We are bombarded daily with “stuff”. Commitments, bills, schedules, internet, news, etc. I just spoke to my friend, whose parents live completely off grid. Sustaining themselves with nature, living off the land, no TV. She said they rose and went to sleep with the sun, and she did not know what day it was a few days in. Imagine that bliss! Even though this way of life may not be for everyone, it certainly is a vast contrast to what most of us living.

What does this all have to with the terrible heat? Who knows! At first I thought the heat was beating me down, but maybe it is just a catalyst.

Take a few moments and contemplate your quality of life. If there is only one thing you can change to replenish your spirit, DO IT!! (Before your heart beats into ears!).

Much love!
Heike

Deviating from the Original Plan

I am closer to 50 than ever, and I feel like I am trying to climb the mountain of destiny. You know, that feeling that there is something I should be doing right now that will let the big breakthrough emerge.

I don’t know if it is an inflated ego, or if the Universe really has the Big Bang in store for me.

I can still remember this moment like it happened yesterday: I woke up in the emergency room after my accident. I was not operated on yet, but was in the holding loop.  I had the craziest dream where I was talking to my Opa (who passed over many years before) about how I had majorly screwed up with this one, and that I was in big trouble. He did not answer me, just patted my hand. When I woke up to the stark light of the emergency room, I was crying. The nurse,  a short and feisty Romanian nurse that spoke little German (they had just hired her, one of the many foreign nurses that were filling the gap), came and told me to try to calm down, that I was going into shock. I became slightly hsyterical, tellling her that I could not feel my legs. No one had told me at this time how serious my injuries were, I had broken my back. Again, I knew something was very wrong.

 

This fantastic nurse creature, whose name I do not know, but whose face is in front of me as I type today, said in her halting German/English “All I can tell you is that you had better get your shit together and find your strentgh. You can get through this, I can see that. Right now, you can’t even walk yourself to the edge of a cliff.”

There you go.

I have had some major setbacks in the last year or so, and felt my path getting mucky. Health, independence, future, money….all these things seemed to get challenging at the same time. One day, I stormed out of the house, walked to the park, and sat under a tree. Quietly. Turned of my phone. I sat there and watched people, stared at the creek, leaned against the tree.

Heike, get your shit together.

I realized again that I am the creator of my own destiny. I did not get through the challenges I did to sit back now and wither. I remembered what Dr. Wayne Dyer said once: “Whenever major setbacks happen, I see them as a learning opportunity.” I also remembered how I layed in a hospital bed for 8 months patiently and not so patiently, waiting for someone to give the thumbs up to let me get up. I remembered learning to walk again, and all the wonderful things that happened since then. I remembered how grateful I am to have received the chance to live my life, even if it deviated from my original plan.

There lies the secret! “Even if it deviated from my original plan”.

You see, there are times in life when we have to step back and look at the whole picture from the outside in. If you are spiraling, it is time to stop the swirl and take a breather. Analyze all choices, and reflect on why you are making them. Are they good for you? Will they be good for you next week, next month?  ARE YOU HAPPY??? I meet so many people who are successful, who have lots of money, who have an impressive resume; but they are not HAPPY.

Happiness is primal. Make your happiness the #1 priority and go from there.

 

 

Food Is my Friend

Recently, I was out to have a beer and some pub food with a friend. When our gorgeous food came (fries loaded with meat, jalapeno’s, & CHEESE!!!), I arranged my plate and snapped a picture.

“Are you food blogging now?” asks my friend.

Nope.

Looking at my Instagram, you would think I do nothing but eat and drink beer & wine all the time :). I could have a worse reputation.

I am by no means a food blogger, nor do I want to be. They do some hard work, that involves lots of
prep & editing.

I just love food. I love to eat. I think “pretty” food is marvelous, and I think we have lost the art of eating. Everyone is so busy watching everything they eat, there is no more joy in enjoying food.

A short while ago, I decided I would no longer villianize food. I was getting into the flow of : watching for wheat, does it have soy?, are there preservatives, IS IT FROM CHINA????,  is it local, bla bla bla. The foods I ate as an alternative tasted blah. I was eating plainly to subside my hunger, not enjoying the food. And I was not feeling good. Food was making me feel blah.

I am going to throw in here that I was tested for a gluten intolerance, and according to that test, wheat should be my friend. To my best knowledge, I do not have any serious food allergies or issues.

I have decided to eat the foods my body craves. If it wants bread, I will either bake it myself from the best ancient grain or wheat flour I can find, or buy really expensive sourdough bread (which, btw, has fluctuating consequences for me). Same goes for pasta. If I want nothing but meat all day, I will eat nothing but meat. I find that I LOVE eating something bold & spicy, then something sweet, then bold & spicy……you get the picture. I have gone away from “food pyramid” eating to “instinct eating”.  I no longer follow any diet. I get ideas from paleo bloggers, because that matches closest to how I eat.  I love raw milk, CHEESE!!!, eggs, and SUGAR :).

I have learned to avoid foods that my body does not like. Just stay open, your body tells you when something is not working, even if it is “healthy”, or if you have eaten it all your life.  For example, my body does not love chicken right now. I have a freezer full of chickens we raised and harvested ourselves, yet my body does not want it. It does want beef, and pork only in form of bacon, prosciutto, & dry salami. And lots of fish, much of it coming out of little cans. I eat tuna, herring, and sardines, lots of them. Right now I am not loving kales & greens, but that could change as it gets colder. Salads are daily.

Since I have stopped looking at food as my enemy, my body feels better. My spirit is dancing, because it LOVES to eat!

To get back to my Instagram pictures. I don’t prepare special meals, what you see is what I eat :). I think that is why my food pictures get the most likes (apart from the many pictures of my chickens or my dog!), they are authentic. I think people can feel the joy that food is bringing me, and they like seeing happy food.

So my friends, go talk to your food! Listen to your body, eat freely, live healthy!

xoxo,
Heike
P.S. If you want to follow my food, and the rest of my daily adventure, log into Instagram :).

Fly little baby, FLY!!! And make your Mama cry!

Today I saw my “baby” off for a 3 month trip to Europe.

I just about died. I put my treasure, my little cohort, on a plane to go across the planet by herself. We have spent the last (almost) 18 years together almost every day. I homeschooled!!

Now I am watching her plane, 33K feet in the air, and am excited about all the things she will get to see! She will get to taste my favorite foods, see all the places I would tell her about, throw a coin in the Trevi Fountain………

Yet, with all this excitement, I am not sure I am ready to let my baby venture away yet. The realization that she will turn 18 in a few weeks is unreal. Time has passed so quickly!

What I do know is that I have raised an excellent human! She is confident, smart, open-minded and good hearted. She is hilarious, but can be a serious support if needed.

I can’t wait to see her millions of Instagram pictures & blog posts! You can follow her travel adventures  on Instagram under “abentpieceofwire”.

P.S. Born and raised in the USA. She made sure she would be home for Thanksgiving :).

My theory: LOVE my food, loose weight, and recalibrate my body.

Food is good

If you follow me on Instagram, you know I love food :). Honestly, you probably think I do nothing but cook & eat.

Actually, I do eat often. I love food!

Food as never been an “issue” for me. When I was younger, my metabolism and way of life supported my giant appetite. Even after I hit 30, had two kids, etc, I could pretty much eat what and how much I wanted.

It was not until a few years ago that I noticed issues when I ate certain foods. Foods that I have always eaten. I will feel slightly (or not so slightly) nauseous after eating, or, I will get a metallic taste in my mouth and become very fatigued.  I tested negative for a gluten allergy, but realized that every time I ate (American!) wheat, I would have the metallic incident.

I have gained weight, have trouble sleeping, have dry & sallow skin, and am never thirsty , so I have to force/remind myself to drink water. I also get terrible inflammation pain in my nerves in my feet & legs.

And yes, I am over 40, and no, I don’t think it is age :).

Over the last years I have tried: no wheat, ancient grains, juicing, fasting, no carbs, with carbs, raw foods, not raw, inflammation diets, blood type diets, etc.

I have come to the conclusion that my body, and spirit, do not respond to any of these positively, so I am going to try one more experiment. I am going to include my husband, who, after quitting smoking a little over a year ago, has gained over 30lbs. I also do not believe in a restrictive diet (since I do not have medical issues), and I believe if you still love and enjoy the food you are eating, instead of seeing it as an enemy, it will nourish you.

My theory:

We are going to eat grass fed/free range beef, pork, & chicken (more beef, less chicken for me, as I can only eat it smothered in curry, otherwise I get sick. Not a big fan of pork, love bacon, though!), which we do already. I am going to “lightly” follow the blood type diet recommendations, as some of the “avoid” foods do hold true and make me feel ill. I am 0+, my husband is B. Protein is a major player.

We will eat lots of veggies (cooked or fermented for easy digesting), and smaller amounts of salad (since it is raw) and fruit (yummy, but lots of SUGAH!! :)). I will make more hearty salads that we can also have as snacks, such as bean salads, spelt, etc.

I will get my husband to eat joghurt, kefir, and drink kombucha :).  I love all of these, he does not. He also has a terrible sweet tooth, and I am sure the fermented foods will help curb his outrageous sugar cravings. What human can eat 3 doughnuts at once without getting sick???? For this time, I will likely stay away from raw milk (…:(….), but have the fermented version of it.

Yes, we will have bread. BUT, again, only fermented. I make my own sourdough, and it is pretty tasty. It is very simple to make (you can find a no-knead recipe here: http://www.herbmagik.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-easiest-sourdough-bread-in.html. or, you can follow the recipe in Nourishing Traditions, which I use now). You can buy sourdough or traditionally fermented bread, but check your source. Many commercially made sourdough breads are not leavened the traditional way (12 hours or more).

So, I will make all bread, and also pasta. I will make the pasta with spelt or einkorn flour (this is new to me, will post as I make it!).  Basically, I am making sure that the carbs we eat follow traditional philosophy, which is easy on the digestion.

My husband loves rice, I do not :).
We will continue to drink coffee, and eat small amounts of real cane sugar. 

 My hope is that through this diet, we will both loose 10+ lbs (he can stand a little more)  without stressing our body. I also want to “recalibrate” our bodies to perform as it is meant to, so that we continue to nourish ourselves without restrictions.

As for my kids, they will just wonder why mama is cooking so much :).

Weigh in: 148lbs (I am sure that is ALL muscle…)

Can’t live up to the simplicity with all my junk….

This weekend was dedicated to the attic.

I sent out a flag to all my friends to send out a search party in case they did not hear from me by the evening…who knew what was up there?? The dog keeps looking up and barking, I was afraid we might run into critters :). Then I would have to jump down the ladder and seal up the entrance.

We found wonderful memories. Photos from our travels, wedding, births of my two kids. Wonderful photos from my two other dogs, Caesar & Napoleon with my daughter when she was a baby. You an see the devotion in their eyes…. :). We found my stereo with turntable, and all our records. Zillions of yards of tull from my wedding, lol! Lots, and lots of things we have been missing, and bought double or triple because we thought we had lost it.

The house does not loose anything.

With a heavy heart, I let go of things. My husband is much more radical than, throwing stuff in giveaway bins. Geesh. He is right, hard to declutter when you don’t let go. I have lived without these things for 5+ years, but still.

Today I am feeling much better about letting go. Emotional detachment is prime. I dropped of nice clothes and games at our local homeless shelter. Even the suit my husband wore to his papa’s funeral. They were so appreciative, it makes me want to declutter even more. The emotional bond is much easier to break when you know someone else can, and will, use your belongings.

The goal: Getting out half of what we have by next week, moving around 3 rooms, painting them in the wonderful colors we each chose, and creating sanctuaries for all of us. I will have a HUGE table where I can create, and leave my creations when I need to take a break. I see days of Kitchen Witches, Goddesses, and sewing these awesome clothes I have in my head.

Hopefully, all of this will inspire me to live a simpler live, with out accumulating so much JUNK. Really, if I could have the money magically appear in my wallet of the all the stuff I never wore, used, lost and bought again….I would be a RICH woman.

Am putting a sign in my wallet, taped to my ATM card. It says:
LIVE SIMPLE

Are you decluttering? Share with me, inspire me :).
Off to dig in the trenches!
Much love,
Heike