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sleepless

Even good Shit can get overwhelming

It is 3am, and I am contemplating the purpose of life.

I was asleep, but was awakened by my frantic dog, barking at the door and intermittently coming to get me to tell me something is wrong. A houseparty up the the street from me must have exploded, there are hundreds of loud, slightly stupid sounding kids on my street. God, I hope my kids never sound or act like that. I can hear the police approaching, the crowd outside is getting antsy.

Anyways, I digress. 25 minutes later the street was back to its’ normal, quiet, sleepy suburbian boring self. My dog is now sleeping soundly under my bed, and I am fully awake.

After several rounds of guided meditations, a sleepy tea, an audiobook that did not grab me, some exercise….I decided to go the library and play book roulette. “A Love Story” popped up, I put it on my iPad, and was pleasantly surprised. An collection of short stories!

The first story is about Mavis, who locks herself in a bathroom for a week to think.

I have not finished the story, but am in love with Mavis. And I am jealous that I only have one bathroom. The thought of locking myself into a bathroom for a week, with food that I love (not nourishing, that I love), books, magazines, something to write, and maybe my wi-fi, is fantastic. I would also buy myself a one cup coffee machine for this adventure.

Lately, I have been restless and sleepless, and all around annoyed. I am not sure what is triggering this insolence, but I can feel little tentacles of bitchiness coming out. In one way, it is helping, as I am ruthlessly purging things that don’t make me happy, and that is a big feat right now. On the other hand, I took a pause in reading with Mavis to ask myself “What is wrong?”.

7733821_origI have a great family. I am not kidding, my husband, though truly nerve wracking, is a good and hardworking man. And obviously gifted with a inhumane amount of patience, as we will be married 20 years next week. I am not easy. My kids are both fantastic, spoiled, but fantastic. I have a house in suburbia, lots of stuff in it to keep my creative spirit busy, a dog, chickens, a back yard, wi-fi…..I don’t have a 9-5, so my crazy sleep/ no sleep schedule is doable. I really don’t know how I would function in the real world, I would have to take drugs.

Back to Mavis living in her bathroom. I am drawn to her because we are both yearning for the simple life. I am almost feel as if my life, and the stuff in it, are taking my breathe away. I am tempted to pimp out my van and go live in it. But then where would everyone else sleep?? How would the kids get to school and function? Who would cook heavy, meat based dinners for my hardworking husband, and where would all this damn laundry go??

Sitting here in the quiet, yet chaotic dining room sipping my warm milk with turmeric, I think I have hit the nail on the head.

Too much shit. Even good shit can get overwhelming.

Too many little responsibilities and needs of others suck away energy from the true purpose of what I am here for. Don’t get me wrong, being the mother of these gorgeous humans, and the wife/friend to my husband, the daughter to my mama, and the friend to my few, but true friends is fulfilling. Yet, I also want to find the energy to work with young women, find my witchy circle of women for ritual and growth, go camping by myself in the redwoods, publish my ebook, make KitchenWitches for fun and give them away (I had this dream that I traveled around and delivered custom KitchenWitches to women in different situations, and just made their day. I was like Ellen, only with Witches. It was fabulous, and now is on my “to do” list), things that make my spirit grow and bring in money to support it all comfortably. On that note, I also want another shepherd puppy.

It is time make things clear and simple again, and I need to do it before I am 79 and locked in a bathroom.

How are you finding your life’s purpose, Beautiful??

Kill Insomnia. Sleeping in alignment with the Earth’s magnetic fields.

I have been dealing with insomnia for years. Not counting the the “full moon” nights where I do not sleep anyways, I have not slept more than 2-3 hours at a time in ages.

Of course, I have tried all sorts of things: sleepy herbs (hops, chamomille, lavendar, etc), melatonin & co, exercise, no exercise, sleep pillows, sleep routines, alchohol, no alchohol, feng shui, old mattress, new mattress, natural latex mattress cover…My bed has literally been in every room of this house except the living room.

Mentioning the living room: I always sleep best on my old (20 years), patched up and knobby couch. I am sure it harbors 20 years of dust in it’s thick, engulfing pillows. When I lay on it, my head points East. Read on to see why that matters.

Recently, I was researching Feng Shui sleep positions by Kua number. If you want to spend a few hours on the computer and get transported to another world, find your Kua number (just Google, it will help you find & calculate), and then read how you should ideally sleep, sit, function, and goddess forbid, don’t DO ANYTHING IN YOUR ADVERSE DIRECTION!!!

My adverse direction is North.

My head was pointing North when I sleep. I sit at the table facing North all the time.

I must now rethink my allegiance with The Northerners of Game of Thrones.

And by the way, my husband’s direction is not at all compatible with mine. Neither is his horoscope. I need to rethink our 20+ marriage.

No wonder I am a sleepy, chaotic mess!

Honestly, I began assessing my life, and have decided to drop the Kua thing, otherwise I may get depressed. There is no way I can swing that. BUT….I am definitely avoiding facing the North as much as possible.

More research shows that several cultures feel that the best way to sleep is to align your body with the magnetism of the Earth. Now, THAT makes sense to me. The ideal direction is East to West, with your feet pointing West. Again, just Google “east / west sleep postions” and you will get lots of opinions. 🙂 Read with an open mind.

View from my new bed position :).

If you are doubting the strong pull the Earth has on us, reading this absolutely fascinating study about dogs pooping in alignment with the Earth’s magnetic fields.  Yes, my friends, it is a thing.

I decided it was worth a try, and during a recent sleepless night I moved my bed once again. There is no good way to position my bed with my head pointing East in my little room. My whole house is only 900sq/ft, imagine the bedrooms with windows, closets, doors. Plus, you don’t want your head under a window.

What is a girl to do? Forget all rules and awkwardly plop the giant king sized bed in the middle of the room. Text your husband at work to be careful when he comes home at night so he does not hurt himself. Lay in the bed.

Ok, it feels good. I can look out the window, the headboard protects me from light, yelling kids, and exuberant dog.

Maybe this is not so bad?

I am sleep with my head pointing East for a week now. Some nights are fantastic, some are shitty as always. I am going to give it a few more weeks and report back, hopefully aligned with the Earth and well rested.